


Geschädigte Lycoris

by phfatbeatrice



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Use, F/F, Mentions of Rape, Multi, No Actual Description of Rape, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-02-11 18:34:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2078739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phfatbeatrice/pseuds/phfatbeatrice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Homura begins experimenting with self harm as an attempt to cope with her PTSD. She develops a bond with Sayaka over the self harm and they work together to hide it from everyone else. The tags may contain spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Selbstverletzendes Freund, Sayaka

_One._  
 _Two._  
 _Three._  
 _And repeat..._

Blood dripped onto the floor making a calming echo across the mostly unfurnished apartment. A girl sat, crumpled over the puddle of crimson despair. She had tears streaking her face, as she mumbled out numbers, "One. Two. Three." She mumbled. "And repeat." She spoke louder before more sounds of dripping blood echoed in the room.

She hesitated as she held the military knife to her arm. She surpassed feeling dizzy and felt utterly nauseous from the blood on the floor before her. She had been injured many times before and she was certain she had lost more blood before but... She had never done this to herself.

The black haired girl let the blade fall to the floor and she slumped over even further, holding her bloody arm with angst. "Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?" She said, through her shallow breathes. She wished that she could just make the constant aching in her heart to go away. The self-harm she had just committed helped, but only long enough to leave her wanting more.

After a long silence, Homura finally forced herself to move so that she could cover up the pain she had written on her limbs. She didn't want to have to resort to something so physically damaging but she could no longer feel any masochistic insults or memories she could taunt herself with. Now it just cause a deep sorrow in her chest that she couldn't cure, no matter the tears. The only thing that helped was fighting witches -- which had become second nature to the veteran magical girl -- or cutting herself with the something sharp enough to make her flesh bleed.

Homura walked slowly to her bathroom from her living room, aware of the small trail of blood she was leaving behind her. Once she arrived, she began wrapping the wound just like she would have if she had been hurt by a witch. If anyone asked, that's what happened as well. If classmates asked, she burned herself pretty badly cooking the night before. She was almost certain she could get away with this.

She took in a slow breath as finished up with the wrapping on her arm. She stumbled to her bedroom slowly, disorientation enveloping her. Her head was beginning to throb and her vision wasn't clear. She was certain she had done quite a bit of damage to herself, just from her lack of balance. But she felt a sense of being lightweight and she practically collapsed on her American styled bed. "Surely this isn't so strange. Self mutilation is a common practise for coping..." Homura spoke out loud as she looked at her soul gem, which was surprisingly clear for what she had done. Because of her many travels, she was well stocked when it came to grief seeds.

Homura closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. She knew, despite her verbal comfort, that what she had done to herself was incorrect. Destroying one's own flesh to feel some sort of emotion... It was sick! But at the same time, wasn't Homura sick? She had spent over a decade chasing after the girl she loved, who forgot about her every few weeks. They didn't even particularly get along in these more recent timelines. Homura knew she was repeating herself for the same outcome every time, hoping something would change; isn't that the definition of insanity? So it was only logical that eventually the burden of her insanity would finally weigh her to the point of needing to find an escape -- needing to find another feeling besides insanity.

Homura took her headband off and squirmed up to her pillow. She hugged her injured arm nearer to her body and closed her eyes, trying to avoid her normal insomnia rid with horrifying images of her friends dying many brutal, bloody deaths. After only a few moments, she had fallen into a sleep fuelled by anemia.

When Homura woke the next morning, she shot up and almost fell from her bed. She ran to her bathroom and coughed for a moment before throwing up. She continued leaning over the bowl for a few moments. She heaved a few times before collapsing onto the tiled floor. She leaned back for a moment before cursing at herself quietly. She had bled out so much and had failed to do anything to treat it besides wrapping her arm.

Homura pushed her sleeve up and looked at her wrap. It was bloodstained and she cursed again. Without even looking at a clock, she understood exactly what time it was -- a side effect of her magical girl ability. She was running extremely late for school, to the point that it was pretty much a waste of time to even attempt going. She let out a heavy sigh before getting up off of the floor and flushing the toilet. She ignored the dried blood on the floor as she started unwrapping her injured arm.

Just as she finished getting the bloody bandage off, she heard a knock from her front room. She froze where she was standing. She made a 'tsk' noise at the knowledge that she didn't have her soul gem on her. It was in her bedroom on the nightstand.

She tensed even more when she heard the front door open. She felt cornered and angry at herself for not locking the door. She rarely left the door locked since she kept her apartment very depersonalised, meaning there wasn't much in it that she cared about.

She took a step back and slipped, falling to the floor again and letting out a yelp. She cursed at herself again for making it obvious where she was to the intruder. She crawled forward a little, pawing at the cabinet below the sink in an attempt to find something she could use as a weapon, to no avail.

Suddenly the bathroom door busted open and Sayaka stood at the door, looking quite confused at Homura, who looked more fearful then Sayaka had ever seen her. "Hey, umm, sorry for barging in but your door was unlocked... I was sent to check on you by Saotome-sensei, since you know, heart things, umm..." Sayaka's speech made it pretty obvious that she had been reluctant to come check on Homura, which the time traveler wasn't surprised about. She and Sayaka had never quite clicked.

Homura was thrown off even more, though, when the blue haired tomboy suddenly moved forward a few steps and got in a kneeling position. Homura watched for a second, unsure of Sayaka's movements. After a few seconds of observation, Homura tried to pull away as Sayaka grabbed her hand tightly and pushed her sleeve down, making the deep cuts visible. The brunette was shaking as Sayaka's blue eyes looked right at the damage she had done. Homura couldn't quite recall another time in which she felt so panicked and exposed.

Sayaka let out a sigh and nodded slowly, before letting go of Homura's hand. "So that's why you were late today. They don't look like they're from this morning though... Last night?" Sayaka asked Homura, looking at her pretty sincerely.

Homura scoffed and shook her head, "Don't try to act like you understand." Homura said as she cradled her left arm, as if Sayaka had hurt her -- which she may have.

Sayaka sat down in front of Homura, making sure to avoid the dried blood on the floor by her feet. She quietly messed with the small zipper on the back of the over jacket of her uniform before pulling it over her head. She unbuttoned the cuffs of her dress shirt before pulling the sleeves up, revealing deep, nasty scars that ran up for as far as the eye could see. Some were really fresh, with stitches and a small strip of medical tape over the cuts. Others were white, but still wide nonetheless. "Maybe I don't understand exactly, but I do understand this." Sayaka pointed at Homura's arm.

Homura looked at Sayaka's arm with curiosity. She had never seen anyone personally that had self injured as a coping method. When Sayaka spoke, Homura broke her gaze with the wounds to look at the girl's face.

Sayaka watched Homura before speaking again, "I've been cutting for about as long as I can remember. Cutting is second nature to me." Sayaka said with a sigh. "Both of my parents know that one day I'm going to fuck up and cut the wrong vein. But... Maybe, if you let me, I can help. It'll be our secret. I'll keep it a secret as long as you protect yourself. I can't use the whole 'I'll help you stop' thing because that would be hypocritical... But maybe I can do something a least."

Homura shook her head, "What could you possibly understand about my situation?" Her words sounded almost like she felt hopeless.

Sayaka didn't say anything. She knew that she didn't understand Homura. Homura was always cold to everyone except for Madoka. Sayaka had tried before to communicate with Homura in some way, but Homura always treated her like a lost cause, which had always left her frustrated. She wondered that Homura seemingly knew that she didn't.

"Exactly." Homura said as she pulled her sleeve back down to cover the cuts, despite the fact that the thin scabs that had developed had been busted opening and were going to stain her clothes.

Sayaka shook her head as she began to speak, "But, Akemi-san," Sayaka tried not to sound too hesitant or hateful, "do you have any idea how to hide this? Do you know how to treat it without causing horrible scarring or infection? What about safe tools to use for optimal cuts without bad scarring? I've been doing this for years, I can help you."

Homura looked right at Sayaka, studying her blue eyes. "Why would you want to help me?"

"I want you to be safe." Sayaka responded quickly.

Homura nodded slowly, before pulling up her sleeve again. She put her arm out to Sayaka before asking, "How would you get this to stop bleeding?" Homura had an idea, since she had cut herself worse in battle, but normally she would use magic to heal it. However, this was something she wanted to keep on her body.

Sayaka was a little taken aback by Homura suddenly offering her arm to her. "Umm, well, I would first put pressure on it, like maybe some cotton balls or a clean washcloth? Then, after the bleeding slowed, I would stitch it up." Sayaka stopped talking for a moment before making an offer, "If you can't bring yourself to stitch up your own wounds, I could help. I've been stitching mine for at least the last year."

Homura shook her head, keeping her face straight, "I've done just about everything, I'm sure I could stitch my own wounds."

Sayaka nodded, not surprised by Homura's answer. She knew that the time traveler would want to do her own bandaging. "Do you have supplies? I can bring you some if you don't."

After a moment of silence, Homura shook her head, "I only have wrap, gauze, and tape. I don't even have alcohol to clean it."

Sayaka looked down on the floor. "This was the first time you've done this?"

"Yes, that is correct. I just got so frustrated and I had this knife, so..." Homura said, as she looked at the cuts on her arm.

"I know that feeling. Sometimes the sudden feeling of wanting to cut is just too much and it quickly gets out of hand. That's how my parents found out... I was just too upset and I made some particularly terrible cuts across my legs. I had cut too deep and couldn't get up off of the floor; my dad found me."

Homura looked at Sayaka's legs curiously, not seeing any wounds from her knee to the hem of her skirt. "May I see?" She asked, feeling like that may not be a good question to ask.

Sayaka thought about it for a moment, before nodding. She put her legs in front of her and pulled her knee-highs down to reveal more scars, some much more aggressive than anything that Homura had seen. She pointed at one of the scars that was wide, almost two fingers in width. "This one... it's the one from that night. Dad took me to the ER, I ended up being hospitalised... I had to lie to Madoka and tell her I had a bad cold and that's why she couldn't come over and see me... It was bad. However, my parents currently think that I've quit, because I toned it down for a few months after that."

Homura looked at the cut, not realising that Sayaka had gone through so much. She began to wonder if Sayaka had had a problem with self injury in every timeline or if this was the first one.

"Sorry for sharing so much. I just... I dunno, I've never had someone know about, much less understand cutting." Sayaka apologised as she pulled her knee high back up. "Umm, but anyway, I should go get that first aid." She said as she pushed herself up.

Homura shifted, getting up too, "I should probably clean up while you are gone." She said, signalling to the blood trail on the floor from her living room.

Sayaka nodded, "I'll be back in about thirty minutes. You should probably wrap your arm until I get back so it doesn't bleed out too much."

Homura nodded, before walking out of the bathroom, following Sayaka. "I'm going to lock the door behind you, so please use the bell to get my attention when you get back."

"Yeah, no problem." Sayaka said as she went for the door. "Sorry for walking in, by the way. Even though I knew it was unlikely, Saotome-sensei did have most of the class worried that you had had a heart attack or something. I'll text Madoka on my walk home to let them know you're okay. I'll tell them you have a cold, is that okay?"

Homura nodded, "Yes, that's okay." She said as she walked with Sayaka to the front door. "See you soon."

"Yeah. I'll be back." Sayaka said, turning away.

Homura closed the door before letting out a heavy sigh. She looked down at her shirt, where her cuts were bleeding into the fabric. She went back into her bathroom and began re-wrapping her wounds.


	2. Schmerzen zu Verbergen

Homura had cleaned up the blood on the floor, as well as changed shirts and made sure there was absolutely no evidence that she had cut herself in sight besides the wrap on her arm; it was still bleeding enough that the bandages had already begin to show bloodstains by the time the doorbell rang throughout her apartment. She made a small 'tsk'ing noise before calling out, "One moment." She said this despite being right by the door. She continued sitting on her couch for a few more seconds before finally pushing herself up and going to the door. 

When Homura opened the door, she immediately noticed that Sayaka was sweating and breathing heavily. "Did you run?" She asked, looking at the girl curiously.

"Yeah I did. It's no big deal." Sayaka slurred out through her heavy breathing. "I needed the exercise." 

Homura made a noise of acknowledgement and moved out of the way of the door. She invited Sayaka in with a gesture before asking, "Should we work on my wounds in the bathroom?" She asked, despite it being obvious that they should. 

Sayaka nodded, "Yeah. That way clean up is easier." 

Homura didn't say another word as she closed and locked her door before heading to that area of her apartment. She sat down on the edge of her bathtub, allowing there to be room for Sayaka as well. 

Sayaka sat down quietly before pulling a few things out of the school bag she had brought. "First you should clean it. I brought some cotton swabs, just in case you would need them for this part." 

Homura nodded, as she rolled up her sleeve and began taking the bandages off again. She didn't even flinch as the gauze pulled at developing scabs. Once she got the gauze and tape completely off, she turned to Sayaka, holding out her right hand, as if asking Sayaka to hand her something to clean the wounds.

Sayaka looked confused for a moment before grabbing her bag and pulling out some peroxide and cotton balls. "It'll hurt a bit, just letting you know." 

Homura nodded, "Good." She said with that same expression. She put her arm over the bathtub before popping the cap of the peroxide and pouring it over her wounded arm. She balled up her fist as the stinging set in, but tried her best to hold herself up.

Sayaka sat there without a word as Homura let the peroxide clean her cuts. Despite not vocalising it, Sayaka wondered if helping Homura was really a good idea. She worried that Homura could tell everyone about her self injury at any moment. However, Sayaka knew about Homura, so maybe she would stay quiet just because Sayaka hel the exact same thing over her head.

Homura unclenched her hand after a few minutes and dabbed a cotton ball over the cuts. She pulled her arm back closer to her body. "Now for sterilizing a needle." She said, her voice a little softer than it had been moments before. 

The tomboy nodded before pulling out a small sewing needle and a lighter. She flicked the lighter and held the needle over it for a moment before nodding and putting the lighter out. She handed it to Homura delicately before reaching into her bag again, pulling out nylon thread. "Are you sure you can do this yourself?" Sayaka asked, just making sure. 

Homura held the needle delicately before nodding, "I should be able to." She said as she took the thread and unrolled a little. She threaded the needle before handing Sayaka the bobbin. Sayaka cut the thread for Homura.

Sayaka watched Homura closely as the brunette put the needle to the edge of her cut before breaking the skin and pulling it through to the other side. She let out whimpers and was gritting her teeth. She pulled the thread again, pulling her skin together to close the cut. "Fuck...!" She mumbled as she tied the thread off. 

Sayaka offered again, "I could do it if--" 

"No, I can do it." Homura said, her normal cool demeanour breaking. She cut the thread and rethreaded, starting on the next stitch. She put the needle through her skin, before carefully running the thread to the other side. "Shit..." She said gritting her teeth. "How the fuck...!" She mumbled out loud, despite trying to keep herself from screaming out. She pulled the thread through, and her voice came out as a groan in pain. Before she could even pull the thread fully through, she shook her head, "I-I can't..!" she said, offering her arm to Sayaka.

Sayaka looked down at her arm before asking, "Do you want me to stitch them for you?" She attempted to sound comforting. 

Homura bit her lip, looking almost ashamed that she couldn't do it herself. She nodded at Sayaka without saying a word. She reached over to the counter by her sink, grabbing a hand towel and put it in her mouth. 

Sayaka understood what Homura was doing, having had to gag herself to keep from screaming the first few times she had to stitch up her wounds. She waited until Homura gave her a signal before pulling the thread through and tying it off. She started on the next thread. 

After over an hour and nearly fifty stitches, Sayaka finally put the needle down. She looked up at Homura, who was sweating enough that her bangs were sticking to her forehead. "I'm done. The last thing we need is either a wrap to cover the stitches so they don't tear or just some medical tape. Medical tape pulls at them when you take it off though..." 

Homura was shaking as she took the cloth out of her mouth. "W-wrap would be better." Homura said, her voice unstable. She looked like she had just gone through a lot of pain, without even really trying to hide it. She brushed her hair out of her face and went back to gripping her skirt, the aching of her arm still tormenting her. 

Sayaka nodded. She stood up, getting into Homura's medicine cabinet. After a second of pulling gauze and tape out, her brows furrowed, "What's this?" Sayaka said, pulling out a bottle of alcohol and a syringe obviously filled with some kind of drug. 

Homura shook her head, "That's for when you all die." Homura said, not thinking properly.

Sayaka turned to Homura, "When we die? Akemi-san, we aren't going to die." 

Homura nodded slowly, "12 years... and you all still die every time." 

"I think you've lost too much blood. Have you eaten today?" Sayaka asked, writing off everything that Homura just said. 

Homura shook her head, "Not eaten since school." 

Sayaka put the bottle and the syringe back in the cabinet without saying another word on that matter, thinking that she should probably attempt to take that from Homura later. For now, she needed to wrap Homura's arm and look for something to feed the girl who was beginning to lose herself from hunger and blood loss. 

Homura kept her arm out and let Sayaka wrap her arm without argument. When Sayaka finished with the last piece of tape, she stood up and offered her head, "Come on, Akemi-san, you should lay down." 

Homura nodded, standing up and stumbling a little. She stabilised herself before walking to her bedroom. "I'm sorry for asking for you to help me with all of this." She said, making a little more sense. 

Sayaka smiled at her, despite the anxiety in the pit of her stomach, "No problem." She waited until Homura was seated on her bed before saying, "I'm going to make you something to eat, okay?" 

Homura nodded, "Okay." 

Sayaka smiled at her again before going into the small kitchen of the otherwise large apartment. She looked in the freezer, happy to see that Homura kept some kind of food in her fridge. For some reason, she had been given the impression that Homura would go to the store every night for food, rather than buying groceries. 

She pulled out a meal and read the cooking instructions. She followed the instructions and made Homura a meal. When the microwave gave off notification that the food was done being heated, Sayaka took it out and grabbed silverware. 

She walked back into Homura's room and offered her the food. "Sorry, I didn't put much thought into what you might have wanted." 

Homura shrugged as she took a bite of the food. She didn't say anything as she ate slowly. 

Sayaka sat awkwardly at the end of Homura's bed, waiting for Homura to finish eating. She finally let out a small sigh before saying, "Akemi-san, you should be more careful... Blood loss and lack of eating can cause a lot of problems. What if I hadn't found you?"

Homura put her fork down before nodding, "Yes, I understand. I just gave up for a moment there. I will attempt to watch myself in the future." 

Sayaka accepted that answer, but continued speaking, "You should also try to be more careful cutting." 

Homura nodded, "Of course." She said, touching the wrap on her arm. 

"With practice and control, it becomes easier." Sayaka said, nodding a little. "Umm, anyway, I should probably go... I lied to my parents and told them that i was going back to school. It's almost time for school to let out so I need to start walking that way." She ran her hand through her hair, "Are you going to try to come to school tomorrow?"

"Yes, I should make it to school tomorrow. I guess we'll see each other then."

Sayaka agreed, "Yup. Well, I've gotta get my stuff from your bathroom, then I'll be off. Stay safe."

Homura nodded, "You too." 

Sayaka walked out of the room, leaving Homura to think about everything that had happened. As far as she could tell, Sayaka was going to be an ally in this timeline -- something that never happens. She found this abnormality to be some sort of hope. Even though her body was taking damage for this hope, she would do anything for Madoka's safety. She wondered how the timeline was going to play out with the current development. 

Homura moved the plastic food tray to her side table before pulling the blanket over her head, letting out a sigh. She closed her eyes and let her mind wonder, her thoughts still boggled by blood loss.


	3. Geschichten eines Lügners

Before Homura could really even begin to get a good night's rest, the sun had risen again, taunting her. She groaned and pushed herself up out of her bed, flinching at the pain of her arm. She had momentarily forgotten the deep wounds on her arms that she had self inflicted the day before. She ran her fingers through her long hair as she groggily trudged to the bathroom to brush her teeth and her hair. She hadn't wanted to get up at all, but her internal clock was screaming at her that it was time to wake for school. She began pondering why she was even going to school.

She brushed her teeth and ran her brush through her hair, rushing to slip her uniform on. She tried her best to conceal the bulge of her sleeve, which obviously showed that her arm was wrapped. She expected to get called out by her 'friends' right away, knowing that there wasn't much of a way for her to hide the white wraps hiding the cuts on her arms.

After fully dressing, Homura pushed her hair away from her neck as she grabbed her bag. She took one last glance at her almost empty apartment before leaving.

The walk to school was uneventful, not like she had even been expecting anything. In no timeline had the walks to and from school been eventful, beyond things she had caused herself. She let out a sigh as she walked up the steps into the school door. She ignored people as they attempted to speak to her, still curious of the new girl. In some timelines, she would answer them; in other timelines, she wouldn't. This was one of those timelines where she wouldn't.

Homura walked into her classroom, sitting down at her desk. She didn't make eye contact with anyone and crossed her legs silently. She pulled her homework notebook out, the assignment written out without error. Before she had another moment to herself, a familiar face appeared in front of her seat. "Good morning, Homura-chan! You look tired, did something happen?" The petite health officer spoke, her light voice brightening Homura's gloomy mood pretty easily.

"Ahh, Madoka, no, I'm fine." The time traveler stumbled over her words, surprised at her sudden lack of being able to keep her cool when Madoka noticed her exhaustion.

"Hmm, is that so? Then what's this, Akemi-san?" An older girl with blonde twin drills appeared, pointing right at Homura's wrapped arm.

Homura had expected they would notice right away, but she didn't expect Mami to be in their classroom. "It's nothing. I was careless while fighting a witch last night."

Mami nodded, however her eyes spoke something different. She looked unconvinced. "Akemi-san, if it's not much trouble, I was wondering why you weren't here yesterday?"

Homura thought on her toes before responding, "Yesterday was the anniversary of my parent's passing. I couldn't possibly bring myself to attend class normally." She didn't regret the lie, despite that fact that she probably should have. It had been over 12 years since she had last seen her parents. She had often use their deaths as a way to bend rules, making people pity her. "That is also what caused my carelessness yesterday with the witch."

Mami hesitated, looking a little dumbstruck. She let out a sigh before nodding and turning away. "I'm sorry." Her voice lacked tone; Homura was almost certain it was because the lie about her parents struck a cord in her. Mami had lost her parents about a year prior so Homura was sure that Mami would relate with her lie to some extent.

Madoka, however, grabbed both of Homura's hands, now standing directly in front of her desk. "Oh, Homura-chan, I had no idea..."

Sayaka, who had been listening in on their whole conversation, approached her desk before speaking, "But when I came by yesterday, you had a cold."

Homura shrugged, "I didn't want to tell someone like you what I was going through." She resumed her cold act that the two girls had from the very first moment she had transferred in.

Sayaka let out a sigh, "Well, transfer student, that's what I told Saotome-sensei." Sayaka caught on right away to what Homura was doing and attempted to go along with it.

Homura uncrossed her legs, before re-crossing them in the other direction. "I guess that's what Saotome-sensei'll know then."

Sayaka didn't speak again before going back to her spot. She plopped down, seemingly pouting.

Madoka spoke again, "Homura-chan, you shouldn't lie. I mean, umm..." She sounded nervous.

As Madoka stumbled through a sentence of why lying to others is bad, Homura could see it in Madoka's face; Madoka feared that Homura would cut her off and scold her. Madoka was scared of her. This realisation caused her heart to ache and the urge to put her knife out at the moment was almost not bearable. Homura hid all of her feelings from her face as she pushed on her wrapped arm to cause pain.

Mami quickly spoke up, "Anyway, home room is starting soon so I'll be off. You girls have a nice day." She shuffled out before any of the group could respond. There were a few whispers once she left, mostly about the girls having a senpai as a friend.

Homura let out a heavy sigh as Madoka also took her seat. She was angry for having allowed herself to act in a way that caused Madoka fear from her. The one person she cared about feared her. Homura pushed on the bandage again before thinking to herself, '/It's not my feelings that matter. What matters is that Madoka is safe and not contracted./' She attempted to convince herself.

As soon as Saotome-sensei entered the room, the day felt more and more like it was dragging on. By second period Homura almost felt like she could sleep. However, as soon as she began dozing off, Saotome-sensei stopped her lecture to call on someone behind Homura.

"Yes, sensei, may I be excused to use the restroom? It's a bit of an emergency." The voice very obviously came from Sayaka.

Saotome-sensei nodded, allowing Sayaka to leave the room. After that, the lesson continued. Homura felt a twisting in her chest as Saotome-sensei spoke. She had heard it in Sayaka's voice. There was no way she went the the bathroom for anything besides to cut herself with that pathetic voice she had asked in. Before she knew it, her own hand was in the air.

"Yes, Akemi-san?" Saotome-sensei spoke, making direct eye contact with Homura.

"I, umm, I'm not feeling to good. May I be excused for a moment. I just need to wash my face." Homura said, letting her voice sound a little weak.

Saotome-sensei's brows furrowed and she glanced over at Sayaka's desk. "Maybe you should wait until Miki-san is back?"

Homura shook her head, "Sensei, I don't think it can wait."

Saotome-sensei let out a sigh before nodding, "Okay fine. While you are at it, bring Miki-san back with you."

Homura nodded as she stood from her chair. Without grabbing her bag, she started to the bathroom on that floor.

The time traveller pushed the door to the bathroom open to find a scene she hadn't expected to see. Sayaa had through her school bag on the bathroom counter and had pulled out pretty much everything from inside of the bag. She had not hidden herself at all, her sleeve pulled up and a scalpel pushed against her skin.

Homura didn't speak as she turned around and locked the bathroom door, making sure no one would find Sayaka in this condition.

Sayaka knew who had come in and didn't formally acknowledge her as she ran the blade across her arm, pushing down reasonably. Blood immediately rushed out, but Sayaka disregarded it. She ran the blade over her arm again and again, almost mechanically.

Homura watched in awe as Sayaka harmed herself in front of her. Homura had never imagined that the one girl who attempted to shoulder the world would be the one baring it all.

Sayaka kept cutting herself, before speaking, "How could Hitomi just show up like nothing's wrong?" She turned to Homura, not even minding that her arm was bleeding a lot.

Homura didn't even flinch, her eyes looking up at Sayaka's face, "She didn't find what she did to be wrong, even if it was." Homura remembered what had happened in previous timelines and assumed that that was what was going on in this timeline. Hitomi was taking Kyousuke right out of Sayaka's hands and Sayaka wasn't strong-willed enough to take him back.

"That... That bitch!" Sayaka dropped her scalpel and gritted her teeth.

Homura didn't understand until she saw it. Sayaka had pressed down too hard, creating a larger wound on her arm.

Sayaka let herself fall to her knees and held her arm, "I don't deserve him... How could he like me? I am a mess..." She mumbled.

Homura had no idea what she could say to Sayaka at that moment. In all of the timelines before this one, they never got along, so Homura had never had to figure out how to handle the situation that Sayaka was in. She decided that it would probably be a better idea to just stay quiet and let Sayaka figure it out without Homura's words interfering.

Sayaka sat on the floor and sobbed for a while before she finally got up and started to her bag that was still a mess on the bathroom counter. She grabbed a sandwich bag and a paper towel before picking up the knife off of the floor and wrapping it, putting it into the bag. She pulled out some gauze and a wrap from her bag before letting out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry for letting you see me like this. I just... can't handle Hitomi very well right now." Sayaka said as she put gauze on the cuts before wrapping it. "And normally I'm not so unsanitary with my wounds, but I really could care less if I died tomorrow at this moment. I think the only regret I would have would be not hearing Kyousuke perform one last time."

The last thing that Sayaka said had upset Homura just a little bit because she knew that Madoka would be very hurt if her best friend was found dead, but Sayaka seemed to care less. "What about Madoka?" Homura said before she really even thought about the consequences.

Sayaka nodded slowly, "I would probably regret not saying goodbye to Madoka." The blue haired self injurer said softly as she finished wrapping up her cuts. She pushed herself off of the floor, a sullen look about her. After a few moments of awkward silence, Sayaka spoke up again, "You should be getting back to class. I have to clean up this bathroom. I'm probably not returning to class. If you want, you can let Saotome-sensei know."

Homura stayed silent again for only a moment before nodding and taking a step back. "I'll let her know. Please attempt to stay safe, if not for me, for your best friend." And on that note, Homura unlocked the bathroom door and left the room. She practically jogged the whole way back to her classroom. Her heart felt like it weighed a ton in her chest at the realisation that there was a very large possibility that Sayaka could kill herself before the day was done and she had chosen not to do anything about it.

Homura walked into the classroom and took her seat in the front of the room, right in front of Nakazawa-kun. She raised her hand as she sat down, causing Saotome-sensei to sigh very outwardly. "Yes, Akemi-san?" Her voice sounded annoyed.

"I was just wanting to inform you that the likelihood of Miki-san returning to class is slim. She was feeling very ill and said that she is more then likely going to stay home." Homura spoke without any hesitation.

Saotome-sensei looked worried for a moment before nodding, "Alright." She said it almost as if she really didn't know what else she could have possibly said at that moment.

After this, the rest of the day went by slowly for Homura. Her mind was swimming with many thoughts about her issues, and her worry for if Sayaka was going to be alive at the end of the day. She didn't want to tip anyone else off on what she was worried about, not wanting any of the other girls involved. The less people knowing about Sayaka and her self injury, the more likely she was to continue attempting to live.

The bell for the end of the day rang and startled Homura out of her thoughts. Before Madoka could come talk to her, Homura shuffled out of the room, rushing out of the building. Her thoughts were weighing her down as she walked quickly through the exit of the school and started on her path home.

However, before she even got off of the school property, she received a call from a number who rarely called her. She answered her phone and put the speaker up to her ear, "Tomoe-san." She said in her normal calm voice.

"Akemi-san, I was calling just to double check with you that the wound on your arm was caused by a witch." Mami's voice sounded insistent, almost as if she had just learned something new.

"You are not mistaken." Homura said, her voice ever so smooth over the lie.

"But I know that I am not mistaken when I tell you that there was no magical energy in Mitakihara last night, when you claim you got that injury." Mami said, sounding very sure of herself.

Since Homura knew that there was no way that she could tell Mami otherwise, not really knowing if there was or was not a witch in Mitakihara the night before, she decided that she could come up with a lie instead. "That's because I was not in Mitakihara last night. I was in Kazamino. I went there for a nationally famous ramen shop and I stumbled upon a witch. I was careless and the witch managed to tear up my arm pretty badly."

Mami made a quiet hmph noise before sighing, "Okay. I only know of one person I would expect to travel to Kazamino for ramen and that one person was not you."

Homura didn't break her serious face, despite the fact that Mami couldn't see her. "I enjoy a good bowl of ramen every once in a while."

Mami let out another sigh before finally forfeiting to Homura, "Alright, fine. I'll accept that you were in Kazamino yesterday."

"Because I was." Homura said, without skipping a beat.

"Anyway," Mami interjected, her motherly tone suddenly very obvious. "if you every need anyone to talk to about anything, I'm here. I know that I'm not in your year and we don't particularly get along, but I'm a good listener."

Homura stayed quiet as Mami spoke. As soon as the upperclassman was done speaking, Homura responded, "Thank you for the offer, Tomoe-san, but I must decline. I have a world of problems you wouldn't even begin to understand." Homura hung up.

She let out a sigh as she slipped her phone in her pocket, intentionally putting it on mute as she did such. She started on her routine walk home, the same confident step in her stride. She didn't need some over-confident lonely upperclassman to get in the way of her job in this timeline.

When she got to her apartment door, she walked in without the key, once again not locking it. She went straight to her bedroom, only stopping to slip her shoes off at the door. She collapsed on her bed when she got there. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and saw the 3 missed calls from Mami, who had probably attempted to call her back after being rudely hung up on. Homura deleted them and went to her messages.

She stared at her phone for a moment, unsure of what she was going to do. After a moment, she typed Sayaka's name in the recipient box. She hesitated again, not wanting to be so blunt as to ask if Sayaka had killed herself yet.

After staring at an empty message box for a few moments, she finally decided to type out a short message. ' _We should probably keep our alliance from everyone else_.' She hit send without even reviewing the message.

Within only a few moments, Homura noticed her phone screen light up and she looked at the screen, ' _That's a plan_.'

Homura replied with, ' _Yes, it would seem strange if the two of us, who hated each other day before yesterday, were on buddy terms_.'

Once again, only moments passed before her phone lit up again. ' _Yeah._ '

' _Stay safe_.' Homura sent the reply and let out a sigh. It wasn't even four o'clock and she was exhausted. She could probably had spent the rest of the day sleeping if she wanted. She thought about that particular date in other timelines and recalled what would normally be happening on this date. On this date was normally the day that Sayaka murdered those two men.

Homura had decided long ago that she would never interfere with Sayaka's homicides, because it didn't affect whether she became a witch or not. However, everything that different in this timeline, so there was a real possibility that she wouldn't be doing that at this moment and Homura really had no idea what was going on at that moment in anyone's lives.

She let out a deep sigh before crawling higher up on her bed and deciding that even though it was so early, she wanted to sleep. She was still exhausted from everything and needed to sleep.

As she laid in her bed, she began worrying; what was going to be come of this timeline? Nothing was regular about this timeline. So far, Sayaka had been the one closest to her, when normally it was Madoka. Kyouko was already in town, yet hadn't caused any direct trouble with any of the girls beyond bugging Mami and causing the blonde some stress. Mami was still alive despite Sayaka's contracting. Madoka hadn't even discussed contracting with anyone. This timeline made Homura so uncomfortable. She hated not knowing anything about this timeline. If only she could move time forward too.

She didn't get to think much more as she fell into a deep sleep that was more restful then even the anemic sleep she had had the night before.


	4. Herzzerreißenden Agonie

Sayaka had finished cleaning up the school bathroom rather quickly after Homura left, worried that Saotome-sensei would send someone to check on her that wasn't Homura next time. She didn't want to stay in this school even a moment longer then she had to, knowing that Hitomi was there, stealing her childhood love interest from her. Just the thought caused her stomach to clinch, making her want to throw up.

At that moment she hated Hitomi more than she had ever hated anyone. She had feelings of such hate that she had even contemplated in murdering Hitomi. She knew that her thoughts sounded very childish, but Hitomi knew how she felt about Kyousuke and still... and still...

Sayaka took in a deep breath to stabilise her breathing. She was sure that she was going to tatter her arms even more than they already were when she got home. Her hands were shaking from how upset she was from the situation and she felt that she was lucky that she could even manage to get her legs to allow her to leave the school.

The whole walk home was the same, she cursed about the situation under her breath and she was shaking. Her blood pressure was high and she felt nauseous from the utter betrayal she was struggling with. She planned out many brutal ways she could murder Hitomi in her head, but ultimately decided that killing Hitomi wasn't really going to do any good. Sayaka felt that she was probably going to commit suicide before she would kill Hitomi. If she murdered Hitomi, then Madoka would be left alone.

Sayaka got home and unlocked the door. She slipped her shoes off and put her house shoes on, not even mumbling out that she was home, fully aware that her parents weren't home from their workplaces yet. She left the door unlocked and started to the bathroom, not even trying to avoid hurting herself again.

She threw her school bag down on the floor and pulled the bathroom drawer open, leaving the bathroom door ajar. She put the box cutter she got from the drawer on the counter, before pulling her sleeve up and pulling the wrap's end to release the velcro. She unwrapped her arm without any elegance and threw the wrap onto the counter once she was done pulling it off. She pulled the gauze pieces off of the wounds and didn't even seem bothered at all of the bloody gauze squares she was having to throw away.

Once she got everything off of her arm, she immediately began looking for parts that weren't cut as she pushed the knife out of it's protective cover. She let out a frustrated sigh at the lack of space left on her left arm. She put the box cutter down and pushed up her right sleeve. There were a lot less scars there, as she was not left handed so cutting with her left hand was always frightening because she didn't have control. However, today she didn't care. She could cut too deep and die and she really didn't care enough to take any precautions to preventing that.

Sayaka picked up the box cutter with her left hand and put it to her wrist. She ran it across her perfect skin and flinched. Because of the lack of scar tissue on her right arm, the box cutter hurt worse than she had expected it to; however, that didn't prompt her to stop.

Sayaka ran the blade across her skin again and again, making dozens of deep cuts along her right arm. She felt a little dizzy by the end of it when she looked down in her sink, seeing the red streams she had created with her blood. She didn't regret it though. She was glad that she was finally doing something right. If there was something she could do properly, it was cut herself. She was one of those emo kids right off of the websites with the blades on chains around their wrists and deep scars that decorated all of their limbs.

She closed her eyes and let the throbbing pain pulse up her arm. She thought of Hitomi and Kyousuke and smiled, her thoughts no longer hurting her. ' _Hitomi can have the bastard. He is so oblivious to any advances anyway, she can deal with him._ ' Sayaka thought, gripping her hands as she spoke. Both of her arms throbbed again when she did this.

Finally, after more than ten minutes basking in the glory of her slit wrists, Sayaka finally opened her eyes again and decided that it was about time that she start cleaning up the mess before either of her parents got home. She turned the sink on full blast and ran the box cutter under the flow. She made sure all of the blood was off of it before retracting it and putting it back in the drawer. She ran her arm under the hot water, washing all of the blood off, despite the fact that a few of the cuts were deep enough that they were going to need stitching.

She cleaned off the counter and let out a sigh. She felt tired and didn't want to stitch up her arm. She opened the cabinet under the sink and grabbed the package of gauze. She sat down on the lid of the toilet and put gauze carefully on all of her cuts, including the ones on her left arm. She took in a deep breath before using her wrap on her right arm. She went under the sink again and found a self adhesive tape and decided that she was going to use that for the other arm. Normally she would have used medical tape but her mother noticed just the day before that they were running low again and Sayaka couldn't explain to her why.

Once Sayaka got all of her wounds covered, she pulled down her sleeves and grabbed her school bag. She took that to her room before going back into the restroom. She grabbed the grocery store bag from the trash can and taking it out to the trash can outside. She quickly put a new bag in the restroom before going to her room.

She let gravity pull her to her mattress as she sighed. She reached into her skirt pocket and pulled out her phone. She had a text from Madoka asking if she was alright and a missed call from Kyouko. She quickly responded to Madoka, letting her know that she was okay, just feeling out of it and that's why she left school early. She didn't want to call Kyouko back.

After what felt like hours of staring at Kyouko's name on her cell phone screen, Sayaka finally tapped the call button as she pushed herself into a sitting position, cringing the entire way up.

"Hey, Sayaka." Kyouko's voice rang out on the other line.

"I'm normally in school about now, you know that right?" Sayaka said, despite knowing that more than likely Kyouko didn't care about that.

"Ah, shit, I forgot. Are you still at school?" Kyouko said, before making a noise that sounded suspiciously like a crunchbar being bitten into.

Sayaka sighed, "I normally would be, but no, I'm at home. I left early." Sayaka told Kyouko, as she stared at her desk.

Kyouko was quiet for a second, leaving Sayaka to assume that she was eating. "Are ya feeling bad or something?"

"Meh, yeah. I'm just... Um, I'm just tired is all."

"You're lying. What's up?" Kyouko caught on to the hesitation in Sayaka's voice.

"It's nothing. At least, it's nothing that I can change, so there's really no point in dwelling over it. Anyway, did you call for a reason earlier?"

"Ah, yeah, I did. I was wondering if you wanted to go hunt some witches tonight with me. Maybe we'll get lucky and run into some drama with that weirdo girl with the sheild."

Sayaka let out a sigh, "I'm sorry, I don't think I'm feeling up to witch hunting tonight. Maybe tomorrow night?"

Kyouko made a thinking noise before agreeing with Sayaka, "Yeah, okay." She sounded disappointed. "But, hey, you know if you need anything, I got your back."

"I know. Thanks, but I'm sure I'll be fine." Sayaka said as she looked down at her right arm, which was a in her lap. "I'm going to let you go, okay?"

"Yeah. See ya tomorrow." Kyouko said before hanging up on Sayaka.

Sayaka put her phone down on her bed and let out a sigh. Her hand was hurting and she wasn't in the mood for anything at that moment.

Her let her eyes close and let her mind wonder. She thought about school and Madoka and Homura and Hitomi and Kyousuke. She clenched her hand every time she thought about Kyousuke. She knew that she was losing him to Hitomi and there was not a damn thing that she could do to stop it.

Right when she felt herself drifting away, she received a text from Homura. She read it and let out a chuckle. Homura wanted them to not act friendly around others. Even though she claimed that it was because she didn't want them to seem suspicious, Sayaka felt like there was another reason behind it, even though she wasn't going to say anything.

After her phone finally fully woke her up after three texts from the transfer student, she got all the way up. She stood from her bed and listened carefully, checking to make sure she hadn't slept through her parents getting home. When there was nothing but silence from the rest of the house, she walked to her door before going to the front door. She slipped out of her house shoes and into her outdoor shoes before leaving her house, locking the door behind her.

She began walking. She didn't know where she was going, but she wanted to be anywhere but home at the moment. She was sure that Saotome-sensei had already called one of her parent's at their jobs and that they would come home angry at her, so she just wasn't going to be home to face them. She didn't know what she was going to do, but she didn't want to be home.

After lots a walking, she ended up at the junction of Homura's apartment. She decided that this was an okay place to be and started in the direction of Homura's place.

Without warning, or even knocking, she walked into Homura's apartment. "Hey, are you home?" Sayaka asked as she slipped her outdoor shoes off.

She was a little weirded out when there was no response, but continued into the apartment. If Homura wasn't home she would wait for the girl. However, school had been out for a few hours at that point so the only reason she could think of that Homura wouldn't be home would have been because of witch hunting. Maybe Kyouko invited Homura...? Sayaka shook her head at the silly thought. Kyouko hated Homura more than Sayaka had.

Sayaka walked through Homura's apartment, not even taking into account that this was not her home. She finally walked into Homura's room, where she finds the time traveller soundly asleep.

The tomboy is quite surprised at the sight of her vulnerable Homura looks when she's sleeping and decided that it would be best to leave her alone to rest.

Sayaka, after many moments of contemplation, she decided that she would sit in the living room and wait for Homura to wake up. She didn't want to be a bother, but she didn't want to leave either, so being quiet and letting Homura sleep was probably her best option.


	5. Alpträume und Herzschmerz

Homura was running along the bridge in the center of Mitakihara. She had a rocket launcher propped up on her shoulder aimed at the storm in the sky. She shot the rocket and threw the large weapon to the side as she worked her way over to the hospital building, where she knew that Madoka was going to be.

She ran, avoiding injury as she went. By the time she got to the floor of the hospital, Madoka was crying and shaking her head, "Homura-chan... If I just make a contract-!"

Homura grabbed her shoulders, "Madoka, I can do this. You don't need to contract."

Madoka shook her head, "But you're bleeding. Homura, your injured.."

"A contract is not necessary." Homura said, before turning around and pushing Madoka out of the way, just in time for a large piece of debris to hit her hard.

"I'm sorry, Homura-chan." Madoka said, tears running down her face. "I can't keep watching this..." She said, before turning to Kyuubey.

"No...!" Homura attempted to get up, before finding out her legs were pinned.

"Kyuubey, I wish to be powerful enough save my friends and my family." Madoka spoke, her voice very clear.

Her words rang in Homura's head as she shook her head and cried, begging for Madoka to take it back.

A thrashing feeling came from deep in Homura's chest, causing her to bolt up in the bed. She was screaming and didn't even realize it until her voice stopped coming out of her mouth. She was shaking and there were tears running down her face. She took in a deep breath and reached for her side table's drawer. She pulled out the knife she had hidden in there and pulled her sleeve up, cutting her flesh with shaking hands. She angrily made wound after wound, tears streaking her face.

Sayaka came into Homura's room when she heard her scream, catching her cutting herself without regard for her safety. "Homura, stop." She said softly, looking worried. Flashbacks of when Kyousuke would break the CDs she brought him and attempt suicide from digging the sharp plastic into his wrist went through her head.

Homura didn't even hear Sayaka as she let out cries of anguish, running the blade over her arm again.

"Stop!" Sayaka said, approaching Homura and grabbing her wrists, pulling her arms apart. While it ended up being an awkward position of Sayaka laying across Homura in at attempted to keep her arms apart, she still stayed that way. She looked up at Homura, her eyes filled with worry. "What happened?"

Homura didn't say anything as she let the knife fall out of her bound hand. She looked away from Sayaka, shameful that tears were honestly running down her face. "You wouldn't understand... I'm living in a different world then you all..." Homura said, looking at her lamp on the left side of her bed.

"I could at least try. You don't need to shut everyone out." Sayaka said, still refusing to let go of Homura's hands.

"You couldn't handle everything I know." Homura said, turning her head to look at Sayaka. "I wish that I could share these secrets with someone but no one needs to be involved with me." Tears were still running down her face despite everything that she said. "This is my world, I wished for it."

Sayaka eased up her grip on Homura's wrists as the time traveler spoke. The more Homura said, the more the tomboy wondered about her.

"If you want to protect me, you can. I'm a rat in a maze looking for the treat that doesn't exist." Homura said, looking down at her arm, which was bleeding all over the bedding.

Sayaka looked down too, but averted her eyes from the wounds on Homura's arms. "I'll fight for you. I don't know what it is that you are looking for or what your goal is, but going about it alone is always hard." Sayaka said softly.

Homura didn't say anything and let herself fall back onto her bed. She didn't speak any further.

Sayaka kept holding onto Homura's hands, wanting to make sure that the girl is fully calm before she lets her go.

They stayed in this position for some time until Homura let out a whimper that sounded unlike any sound she had ever made before. She moved a little bit, as if in pain.

Sayaka looked right at her and asked, "Are you alright?"

Homura let out a small grunt before nodding, "I'm fine." She mumbled before looking at Sayaka, "Before it gets too late, we should probably go hunt."

Sayaka paused, feeling like that statement didn't really fit what was going on. "I, uh, yeah. I guess we should." She said, after realizing that it had been over two days since she had gone on a hunt.

Homura nodded, "Now will you let me go so I can clean and wrap this? I'm sure I'll be fine without stitches for the time being." Her cold voice was back, accompanied by that stare that looked empty.

Sayaka got up and stepped away from the bed slowly, watching Homura's every move as the long haired girl got up and left the room. She let out a heavy sigh, her mind racing with thoughts. She wanted to find out more about Homura and she also wanted to help the girl with whatever was weighing her down enough to cause her to wake up screaming. However, Homura had shut herself away completely from anything and everything. Sayaka was surprised that Homura had even permitted her longing to protect the girl that seemed so wounded.

Homura had walked right past Sayaka, her mind running at a speed she couldn't even begin to comprehend. Her chest was aching and her stomach was churning. She wrote it off on her panic attack, however she knew the symptoms all too well. When she walked into the bathroom, she closed and locked the door behind her as she pulled out the gauze and wrap. She turned the hot water on and ran her arm under it, not even flinching at the burning sensation of the scalding water. After drying her arm, she began wrapping it. She sat on the floor as she successfully covered the wound with the wrap.

After sitting on the linoleum for a moment, she thought that her upset was going to be alright. However, as soon as she attempted to push herself onto the floor, nausea washed over her, making her fall back down onto the floor. She moved closer to the toilet and as soon as she got close enough to the toilet, she threw up rather violently. She coughed and gagged before throwing up again. She closed her eyes tightly as she heaved. She knew what was happening and there was nothing she could do about it. She needed to hunt tonight or things weren't going to be too good.

After she finished emptying her stomach in the commode, A knock on the door made her jump. "Homura, are you okay? I thought I heard coughing."

"I'm fine." Homura said, forcing herself off of the floor, swaying a little as she went. She flushed the toilet so Sayaka wouldn't see the evidence that she was not okay. Tonight told her that her symptoms weren't that of blood loss and she could tell. But she had to keep going.

Homura unlocked the door to the bathroom and let out a sigh before opening it.

Sayaka looked at her and her brows furrowed, "You don't look okay."

"I'm fine." Homura repeated for what seemed like the thousandth time that night before moving past Sayaka yet again. She went to her entrance, sitting down and putting her outdoor shoes on.

"You're still covered in blood." Sayaka stated, not really sure how to behave with this Homura who was even more shut down in the Homura she knew.

Homura shrugged, "I'll just transform before we start looking for the witch than." She said this before summoning her soul gem and transforming right there. "Now I'm not covered in blood." Homura reached and adjusted her shield a little, as it was sitting on a few of the deeper cuts.

Sayaka didn't say anything, unsure of how she could possibly even say anything to Homura at this point. She was acting beyond strange but very cold so it wasn't like Sayaka could just ask her about it.

Despite her unstable step and her fear that her balance would fail, Homura led the way out of her apartment. She walked with as much confidence as she could muster for her weak body. "Come on, I think that there may be a witch this direction." Homura said, with seemingly no basis.

Sayaka didn't question the girl, worried about her. She watched as Homura walked; despite the confident stride, her ankles shook as she stepped down each time and her shoulders were trembling.

They both walked for a while before Homura's voice broke the silence again, "I was wondering, what happened between you and Shizuki Hitomi? As you told me this morning, she was the reason that you had hurt yourself and the reason you left school. However, I'm not sure of the details."

Sayaka stopped walking and let out a sigh, just out of the thought of Hitomi at that moment. "She took Kyousuke from me." She said, her voice heavy. "Without warning, she just sent me this text last night..."

Homura's brow furrowed and she turned to face Sayaka, "Without warning?" Her voice showed her own curiosity.

"Yeah... Probably about a week ago, after I contracted, she started visiting Kyousuke and then he got out of the hospital yesterday... She sent me this text." Sayaka reached into her skirt pocket and pulled out her phone. She unlocked the screen and tapped around for a moment before showing Homura the screen.

_Miki-san, I just wanted to inform you that Kamijou Kyousuke and I have been discussing pursuing a relationship together. If possible, don't get in the way._ The text read in a polite way that definitely showed that it was definitely Hitomi that sent it.

"Don't get in the way...! Hitomi has known about my crush on Kyousuke since we were in primary school!" Sayaka said, sounding quite upset.

Homura nodded, unsure of exactly how to go about the situation. Not only did she not know how to handle the situation, she also normally had never been around Sayaka and by this point in the timeline, Sayaka was past the point of no return. "I... I apologize that this has happened to you, Sayaka." She knew of nothing else she could have said.

"And then Hitomi had the gall to show up to class today like nothing happened... I couldn't handle it." Sayaka said, gritting her teeth and tightening her grip.

Homura was about to apologize once more but something else suddenly caught her attention. "There's a witch." She started walking again, tailing the trail of magical energy she caught wind of.

Sayaka was actually feeling relieved at the thought that she would get to take her anger in Hitomi out on this witch. She was ready for a battle.

Soon after finding the trail, the two girls found the entrance to the barrier. They were lucky enough to find that there were no living victims in the barrier so that was one less the thing the two girl had to worry about.

They worked together to get the witch to come to them by having Sayaka transform, then the two used their powers to catch the witches attention. Soon after, the witch appeared before them and Sayaka was the first one to strike. Homura backed up and pulled out a machine gun from the space her shield offered. She pauses the time around them to shoot bullets at all of the familiars before resuming time and running toward the witch. Unlike Sayaka, her reflexes didn't respond when she tried to dodge the witch's attack and it hit her head on, causing her to fall back.

Right when Sayaka turned to check on Homura, she was knocked down as well. Sayaka got back up right away, not even giving it second thought. However, Homura couldn't get herself to move properly. Her chest was hurting, she felt nauseous, and the world was was spinning around her.

Sayaka couldn't check on Homura though, because the witch would have an advantage then.

Homura just laid there, her body feeling really tired for the moment.

"You girls are too rash!" A voice Homura knew well called out. "Sayaka, you go give Akemi-san backup. I'll take the witch on." The upperclassman said.

"Ay ay, Mami-san!" Sayaka said, landing right by Homura. She put her arm under Homura's arms and picked her up, putting her back on her feet. "Are you still fine?" She asked Homura, her facial expression filled with concern.

Homura nodded, but didn't say anything. She felt exhausted and her body wouldn't listen to any of her commands.

Sayaka looked at her unconvinced but let out a heavy sigh and fought of the familiars as they came, guarding Homura's position.

Mami used her muskets and quickly compromised the witch, killing it in a few short strikes. She did her finishing moved and watched as the witch dissolved along with the barrier she had build. Mami walked forward, grabbing the Grief Seed that had been left on the ground of the bridge they ended up being on.

"M-Mami-san...!" Sayaka called out, her voice shaking.

Mami made a noise as if to acknowledge that Sayaka had gotten her attention. She turned around and let out a gasp. Sayaka was on her knees, tears coming out of her eyes in panic as she looked at Homura, who was face down on the pavement, not moving and no longer in her magical girl outfit.

Mami quickly rushed over as Sayaka apologized profusely, "I was watching her...! This is my fault, if I had made her stay home...!"

Mami tried to calm Sayaka but found it was more urgent to check Homura. "Sayaka, this isn't your fault." She said as she pushed Homura unto her back and put her head to Homura's chest as she put her fingers on her jugular vein. Worry showed up on her face immediately and she grabbed Homura's right hand, looking at the diamond shaped soul gem.

"Oh my God..." Sayaka said as they both saw Homura's impure soul gem. It looked eaten with curses and heartache.

Mami thought on her toes. "Take this. You purify her soul gem and I'll start CPR." Without another word, Mami pulled open Homura's button up shirt and started chest compressions.

Sayaka cried as she touched the Grief Seed to Homura's soul gem. She kept mumbling about how it was all her fault and if she had just watched Homura more carefully and not listened to her half-hearted 'fine's.

Mami alternated between giving chest compressions and breaths, breaking out into a sweat. After every set, she would stop everything to take Homura's pulse and check her breathing.

After what seemed like hours, Mami stopped to listen to Homura's pulse. "Hey, Sayaka. Can you put your finger right here?" Mami pointed to Homura's jugular vein.

Sayaka did as Mami asked and her face lit up. "She's alive...!"

Mami nodded, her face showing how happy she was, "But we can't get our hopes up... She was gone for a while..."

Sayaka nodded slowly, her heart tugging heavily in her chest. She carefully put her arms under Homura's back and under her knees, before picking her up. "We should go somewhere where she can rest comfortably."

Mami nodded, her sullen expression back on her face as she thought about what the last ten minutes had been. "We can go back to my apartment. I can make some tea."

Sayaka nodded slowly. "That's fine by me." Her voice was hollow as she looked at Homura, who was uncomfortably cold and pale.

After agreeing on this, the two girl walked in silence back to the blonde's apartment. Sayaka never once complained about the fact that Homura was a little heavy and Mami never once said a thing about her arms and back being sore after performing CPR on the fellow magical girl. They were both just gratefully that Homura was not dead.

When they arrived at Mami's apartment, Mami didn't say anything when Sayaka didn't take her outdoor shoes off at the door, because the tomboy was thinking more about putting Homura on Mami's comfortable couch and less about more trivial things. Sayaka put Homura down and ran her hands through Homura's hair, taking her headband out of her hair as she moved Homura's hair so it wasn't laying across her face. She let out a heavy sigh and then went back over to take her shoes off. "I'm sorry, Mami-san..."

"You have no need to apologize, Sayaka." Mami said, putting her hand on the other's shoulder. "You had no idea that she was really as worse off as she was."

"But I should have been paying attention. I shouldn't have let her come witch hunting when she was so unstable... She could barely walk without shaking."

Mami's eyebrows went up and looked at Sayaka with a serious expression, "What other symptoms has she been showing?"

Sayaka looked nervously over at her before speaking again, "Well, she's stumbled a few times. She's not hungry, though I don't know her well enough to know if that was just her or a symptom... She's slept a lot the last two days. I'm pretty sure she threw up right before we left for this hunt.. She also made noises that sounded like she was in pain more than once..."

Mami looked over at Homura and shook her head, "This isn't your fault. It's something she's hiding from all of us.."

After that, the two girls went quiet and didn't say anything else to each other as Mami went into the kitchen to brew the tea and Sayaka sat on the table that faced Homura so that she could watch the brunette closely.

Mami came back with a fresh pot of tea and they still didn't share any words as they both sat and sipped on tea, both staring at Homura with worried expressions on their faces.

Sayaka's phone rang loudly across Mami's apartment, startling both the girls. She pulled it out of her pocket and groaned.

"Who is it?" Mami asked, mostly just out of curiosity.

"It's unknown, so it's probably Kyouko from a payphone." Sayaka said, pushing herself up from the table. "Hello?" she said as she answered the call.

"Whaccha up to, girly?" The voice on the other line said, obnoxiously making sounds of food consumption.

"You sure are starved for attention today, huh?" Sayaka said as she walked near Mami's kitchen as an attempt to keep her phone call semi-private.

"Ehh, what do ya mean by that?"

"You already called me once today, then you wanted to go witch hunting and even after I said no, here we are on the phone again." Sayaka said, unintentionally being extremely snappy.

Kyouko made a 'tsk' noise before talking again, "I was calling because I wanted to ask if you were feeling any better. Not to go witch hunting, but because I knew there was something big bothering you today. Judging from your voice though, nothing's changed."

"Something has changed." Sayaka said, her voice heavy.

"Hm?" Kyouko sounded like she caught onto to the heavy air left behind by Sayaka's voice.

"Akemi Homura is dying, Kyouko." Sayaka said, very bluntly.

"Ehhh!? You have got to be shitting me, what happened?" Kyouko said, not fully grasping the conversation's atmosphere.

"I don't know. But I need to be with her right now. I... I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow." Sayaka hung up without saying another word. She put her phone back in her pocket before putting her hand on her temple. Without talking to Mami, she went back to her spot at the table and took another drink of her tea.

Sayaka laid her head down and Mami did the same, the two girls not knowing what to say as they sat in the room with their friend who was at the brink of death.

At some point, Sayaka could hear Mami snore quietly as she tapped on the glass table after having drank all of the tea in the pot. She looked at the clock and it was close to 4 in the morning. She looked over at Homura and got up, touch the girl's neck carefully. She could feel her pulse and found peace in that, even if it was a little slow and her blood pressure felt low. She sat back down and continued to tap on the table.

At around 5:30 am, Sayaka heard Homura shift around a bit and watched the time traveler closely until she was sure the girl wasn't waking up at that moment, before putting her head back down, deciding to watch Mami, who made funny faces as she slept.

At 5:53 am, Homura mumbled something that woke Sayaka from her half asleep trance. "Homura?" She asked, looking right at the girl, who had her eye barely open.

Homura turned her head slowly to look at Sayaka before stating, "I feel like I was hit by a train."

Sayaka immediately turned to Mami, "Mami-san! Mami-san, wake up, Homura's conscious."

"What happened?" Homura asked, as she realized that she was in Mami's apartment and her last memory was fuzzy but she recalled being in a witch's barrier

Mami jumped when awoken, looking thoroughly confused for a moment before she gathered her bearings and smiled sleepily at seeing Homura awake.

"What happened?" Homura repeated, her mind not fully up and running yet.

Sayaka looked nervous before speaking, "You and I went to witch hunt and after finding a witch, we started fighting it. You almost immediately got knocked away and then Mami-san showed up and she finished off the witch, while I fought off familiars. You seemed to have lost consciousness after I started fighting the familiars. When the witch's barrier came down..."

Mami continued from there, seeing it on Sayaka's face that she didn't want to keep talking, "When the witch's barrier dissipated, we found you in poor shape. Your soul gem was almost completely black and you weren't breath, nor did you have a heartbeat." Mami said, looking at her cup of cold tea. "I did CPR and we cleared your soul gem. After a lot of work, your heartbeat came back and you started breathing for yourself..."

Sayaka nodded, "I'm just glad you're okay. You don't have to say you're feeling fine when you aren't just so you don't inconvenience people..." Sayaka said, her brows coming together.

"I-" Homura interrupted herself. She didn't know what she could tell Sayaka and Mami to get them to accept anything other than the truth. She closed her eyes for a second before taking in a deep breath. "I let my soul gem get too depleted... As I know at least Sayaka knows..." Homura took in a deep breath, "I have a heart condition. Before I transferred in, I had been hospitalized for over half of a year because my heart was too fragile. However, the condition set by my doctors upon release was that I wasn't allowed much physical activity, in fear of it hurting me.

"Once I contracted, I just used magic to heal my heart. However, it's never a permanent fix. It's always in need of healing.. I ended up letting my soul gem get too depleted and I couldn't heal it, but continued fighting." Homura paused before taking in a deep breath and saying, "I've been struggling with a heart attack throughout the last few days."

Both Sayaka and Mami couldn't find the right words to respond with what Homura had just told them.

"I knew what it was right away... I've had many heart attacks in the past. This one... It was just... stronger." Homura didn't know what else she could say to describe the heart attack other than strong. "I thought since I had had many heart attacks before, I could deal with this one alone.."

Mami's cool was blown at that point, "You don't deal with these kinds of things alone! If we hadn't been there, you would have died! You would have just been eaten like that witch and forgotten about! Could you drop your goddamned self righteous act for one second and consider that fact that maybe someone cares about you? You give everyone the cold shoulder and try to stay as emotionally detached as possible but has it ever even occurred to you that others actually do have feelings and would be very upset if something were to happen to you? Of course not, because you are the 'cool, collected transfer student' who's going to suddenly barge in and save the day."

Homura seemed unfazed by Mami's paragraph and when she was done, Homura forced herself to sit up, despite her head spinning. "Doesn't that make us alike then?"

"What?" Mami said, slamming her hand down hard enough on her table that her cold cup of tea spilled all over the glass.

"You don't want to be alone, so you bottle up all of your problems so you won't bother your loved ones. You wouldn't tell anyone if you were struggling because you don't want to lose them. So we are somewhat alike. Although, I attempt not to get emotionally connected. You are too emotionally connected. That's the difference between us."

Sayaka didn't know what she could say to stop this. She took in a breath but right as she had, Homura covered her mouth before signaling in the direction of the bathroom.

Mami responded quickly, getting up and running to the kitchen, getting a large bowl. As soon as Mami handing it to Homura, she threw up in it, coughing and heaving. She sat there, very still for a moment before looking up at Mami, "Do you have aspirin?"

Mami looked pale but nodded and disappeared for a moment.

Homura turned to Sayaka and said, "I'll explain more later. I don't want Mami to know everything..."

Right as she finished her sentence, Mami appeared again with a bottle of aspirin. She went into the kitchen area and filled up a glass of water. She brought it back to Homura, who took the water with shaking hands. She took the two aspirin and sipped at the water.

Once they had all been sitting there for a few quiet moments, Homura spoke quietly, "I'm sorry for having hindered you both and taking the Grief Seed that you earned."

Mami shook her head, "We weren't going to let you die over one Grief Seed. There are plenty of witches here, we can always get another one."

Sayaka nodded, "Yeah, seriously, it's not a big deal. As long as you are okay."

Homura took another drink of water before nodding, "Umm, Tomoe-san, if it's not much trouble, I am exhausted. Could I possibly stay here and rest while you two are at school?"

Mami smiled at her, "Sure. I don't think you are healthy enough to be going anywhere."

Sayaka looked at Homura for a second before saying, "I think I'm going to stay here too, if that's not much trouble. Right now, Homura is at high risk to have another heart attack and I don't want to leave her alone."

"Oh, yes, that makes perfect sense. I have some food already prepared in the fridge left over from dinner last night, alongside many different types of teas you can have. Please call me if anything happens."

Sayaka nodded, "Of course I will. Now you should probably be getting ready, it's almost 6:30."

Mami looked at the clock, "Oh, dear." she said, before starting up the staircase that went to her room.

Mami prepared and left the apartment in a hurry, barely bidding the two girls a good day. Both Homura and Sayaka got comfortable and fell asleep within 20 minutes of Mami's leaving, sleeping soundly straight through the whole day of school.


	6. Blutungen Reue

Consciousness came back to Sayaka slowly as she shifted, her back aching a little. When she realised that she had fallen asleep laying her head on Mami's triangular glass table, she understood right away why her back was sore. She let out a heavy sight as she sat up, stretching her arms out above her head. She yawned and looked at Mami's clock, finding that it was 1:46 pm. She was surprised that she was able to sleep that long in such a strange position.

After stretching for another moment, Sayaka pushed herself up from the table. She walked over to Homura, who looked surprisingly peaceful, a face she never thought she would witness. Just from looking, Sayaka couldn't tell if the girl before her was breathing or not, so she quietly reached down and put pressure on Homura's jugular. She let out a sigh of relief when she felt the slow beat of Homura's heart.

Homura had already been kind of in and out of consciousness so when Sayaka touched her throat, her eyes fluttered open and she looked at the girl.

Sayaka jumped back when she realised that Homura was staring at her, "I'm sorry! You were sleeping so calmly, I was worried..."

Homura didn't say anything right away, still confused from exhaustion. After a few seconds and a yawn, Homura spoke, "It's okay. I really shouldn't be sleeping so much. I need to get some things done." She attempted to sit up, despite the fact that her face was still washed out of colour and she looked sick.

Sayaka reached over and grabbed her shoulder, pushing her back into a laying position. "You shouldn't be going anywhere. You are still at risk of having another heart attack."

"But Madoka...!" Before Homura could help it, Madoka's name spilled out of her mouth.

"Madoka?" Sayaka looked confused. "What about Madoka is so important to you? You are going to get yourself killed."

"It's nothing." Homura said, her resistance stopping after that. She took in a small breath, her face becoming paler if that was even possible.

Sayaka moved away and asked, "How are you feeling?"

Homura shook her head. "My chest hurts." Her voice was weak and hollow.

Before Sayaka could think, she summoned her soul gem and put it to Homura's chest.

"What are you doing?" Homura asked, reaching up to swipe her gem off of her chest but the control over her body was hard.

"I'm healing you. You'll die if I don't do something." Sayaka said, holding her soul gem to Homura's chest.

Before Homura could rebuttal again, she felt a pain lifted from her chest and her nausea was momentarily passing. The feeling that came to follow was relief. She had been suffering from the check pains since the first time she had cut herself.

Once Sayaka saw some of the colour return to Homura's face, she moved her soul gem away and asked, "Is that better?"

Homura nodded slowly. She attempted to sit up again, but Sayaka still pushed her down.

"No matter what I do, it's only temporary. You need to stay resting, give your body time to heal."

Homura looked at Sayaka with desperate eyes, "My body is never going to heal. The damage done is permanent. There is nothing that I can do to fix what is happening. My body can't recover after everything I've done to it or it's done to itself."

Sayaka looked at her curiously but didn't ask for her to elaborate. It was less that she didn't want to know and more that she was frightened of what Homura might say.

Homura let out a heavy sigh and once again gave up on resisting. "These heart problems are never going to go away. The only reason it got this bad again was because I let my soul gem get too tainted, I didn't have the magic to heal myself enough to fight another witch." She hated that she had let herself fall to such a low, but she hadn't been thinking clearly, the loss of blood straining her already weak heart.

Sayaka moved back and sat on the floor by the table. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your heart?"

Homura shook her head, "I don't mind, I suppose." She took in a breath before starting a long explanation of her medical history. "First off, I was born with two holes in my heart. It caused dangerous irregular flow between oxygenated and unoxygenated blood. However, it went unnoticed until I was 3, when I had many unexplainable seizures and heart attacks in the course of a few days. I feel into a coma and my parents were actually informed that there was a very low chance I would wake up due to the damages to my heart, lung, and cardiovascular system. Shortly after, they risked doing open heart surgery to repair the holes in my heart." Homura stopped for one moment before clearing her throat and continuing, "Obviously I survived that. After a rather normal recovery, I went back to whatever kind of life a 3 year old has. Everyone thought that I was okay after that... But a couple of years ago, I began feeling sick a lot and was always in and out of school because of illnesses. I went to doctor after doctor but they all said that I was okay, there was nothing wrong. I went on for more then a year with these symptoms until I had a massive heart attack. I was hospitalised and they discovered that one of the holes in my heart had not bee close properly and had re-opened. According to the doctors at he hospital, more then likely the hole had just started opening when I got all of those tests the previous year which is why it wasn't found." Homura paused, seeing if Sayaka wanted to say anything.

Sayaka was looking down at her lab, as if something were interesting. In reality though, her chest was aching for her friend. As someone who had mostly had the perfect bill of health in her lifetime, she felt terrible for Homura, who had to deal with such a crappy heart her whole life.

Homura continued after a moment of silence, "They couldn't do surgery to fix it.. At least not right away. I had developed pneumonia from the cold weather and the doctors said that with my lungs in the shape they were, there was no way I would survive through the surgery. I was kept in the hospital with an antibiotic IV drop, with the diagnosis that I was going to die. My heart couldn't support my lungs and my lungs couldn't get oxygen to my blood, which was already lacking because of my heart. I was in constant pain, I had to sleep with a Cpap machine to prevent accidentally suffocating my sleep, it was pretty bad." She took in a small breath before speaking again, "However, a miracle happened and after two months of almost dying, I became healthy enough and at the weight requirement for the surgery. They repaired my heart, which was an immediate stress reliever off of me when I woke up out of the surgery. The doctors informed me that I was still going to stay in the hospital, as the surgery was still high-risk because of all of the damage my cardiovascular system had been through.

It was really luck that they had kept me in the hospital because they found a pulmonary edema - do you know what that is?" Homura asked, not sure if Sayaka would know. She had been avoiding all of the medical terminology for Sayaka's sake and she had forgotten for this one.

Sayaka shook her head, "I'm not really sure. I know it's something to do with lungs...?" She didn't sound sure of herself at all.

Homura nodded, "It's liquid in the lungs. Mine was caused by my heart failure and the pneumonia. The doctors treated it and then refused to let me go home, insisting that I needed 24 hour care. They said that there was a possibility that I would need a live-in nurse even after I got out because my body was just too weak. I stayed there for months with cardiovascular training to help with my weak body. Finally, after a lot of begging and arguing and insisting, I got the hospital to allow me school, though I wasn't supposed to do any sports, nothing to physically stressful, I wasn't even allowed to carry my own books or walk to school. However, I contracted before my release date for school and I used magic to make those things possible..." Homura trailed off.

Sayaka's brows furrowed and she asked, "So you aren't even technically healthy enough to be doing any of this?"

"It seems so." Homura responded, very frank.

Sayaka nodded, "I... I'm sorry, I didn't realise that you went through so much... It's really unfair that the wonderful people in the world get all of the worst things happen to them..." As Sayaka said this, she thought of Kyousuke and his hand before she wished for it to be cured.

"It's fine. I wouldn't wish my heart problems on anyone else." Homura said, not saying anything further about that. "Disregarding everything that had happened to me, I didn't tell anyone about the heart attack symptoms that I had been dealing with, thinking it would just be a small attack, when really.. the big picture is that you are right; if I have another heart attack, I'm at risk of dying. My body is too damaged as it is."

Sayaka stayed silent, her eyes wandering back down into her lap.

Right as the room got awkward, the door opened and Mami came in. She smiled at the girls, "How did your day go?"

Sayaka was the first to speak up, "Your table caused my neck to hurt."

Homura mumbled out, "I'm still kind of tired."

Mami nodded at the two of them a she sat her school bag down and started to the kitchen right away to start a nice hot pot of tea. "Well, Miki-san, have you tried doing stretches?" She asked, before leaning around the counter, "Akemi-san, why don't you go back to sleep? It's been a long few days for you. You are welcome to my couch as you recover."

Homura nodded, despite the fact that Mami couldn't see her. "I do believe I might." While her body was in a lot less pain, the fatigue was still looming around - even though Homura also wrote that off as the first time in at least three days that she had not been in so much discomfort.

Sayaka just groaned at what Mami said and collapsed on her floor, "What kind of tea are you making?"

Mami stepped out from the kitchen area before answering, "Jasmine peach tea. It's really good with 3 cubes of sugar."

Sayaka did a little tired cheer and continued to lay on Mami's floor.

Homura had done just like she said that she was going to do, trying to go back to sleep right away. She really was very exhausted, especially after that long hour talk about her health issues.

That evening, Homura slept very soundly, to the point that both Sayaka and Mami had checked her pulse many times. Mami and Sayaka drank tea and joked about school and talked about hunting witches and lots of other things that helped Sayaka with some of the weight that she had been carrying on her shoulders. Both of the girls went to bed around midnight, after hunting for grief seeds once the sun had started setting. They had taken turns, one staying to watch Homura, who was very heavily sleeping, to the point that possibly even slapping her wouldn't awaken her. That night was good for Mami, Sayaka, and Homura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> Hey guys, I'm really sorry that it took me a while for this chapter. I just started my classes at college and I've been going a little more sleep deprived than normal. Alongside that I was trying to figure out how to write this chapter but for some reason every plan was a flop - I assume it's because this chapter sucks. Anyway, my updates may be a little slower than they were before class started because all 7 of my classes seem to think that they are the only class that I'm in, so I have massive amounts of homework all of the time. In fact, this chapter was a procrastination method.
> 
> Also, I wanted to apologise for almost killing off Homura, and also apologise that this probably won't be the last time I almost kill Homura off. But, I promise that she doesn't die. Anyway, the next chapter will be close back to the original storyline I wrote out for this story. I just really wanted Homura to have heart trouble in this fanfiction, I'm sorry. But yeah, next chapter will be more back to the angsty stuff, with more detailed descriptions of self injury that I shouldn't even type out because it's glorification, even though it's not.
> 
> Lastly, The projected number of chapters for this story is somewhere around 25 chapters. This is only chapter 6 though, so it may end up being a lot less, especially if I end up doing more of those chapters like last chapter with like 5,000 words lol
> 
> I'll stop talking now and I hope you like my story! You should comment and follow if you enjoyed it! I always love seeing that people like it enough to follow or leave me a comment.
> 
> ~Bri


	7. Läuft Blinden

Homura woke to darkness, her eyes immediately darting around the room to assess her surroundings. For a moment, she had forgotten everything that happened for a moment, feeling very unsettled in Mami's apartment. However, once her memory came back to her, the unsettled feeling didn't go away. She needed to leave; she needed to go save Madoka from Kyuubey. Homura got up from the couch, being very careful not to wake the two girls who were sleeping in front of her. She silently apologised to the girls for leaving even though she knew that they were worried about her.

Homura slipped on her shoes and left Mami's apartment as silently as she could. She didn't want them to catch her and make her stay even longer than she had already wanted. She just wanted to keep that terrible creature from Madoka. Homura didn't care about what happened to her as long as Madoka was safe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sayaka woke up to Mami's front door closing and sat up, looking confused. She noticed right away that the couch was unoccupied and she let out a heavy sigh. She turned toward Mami feeling guilty already for what she was about to do. She located some paper and wrote a quick note, apologizing to Mami about her sudden absence. She promised to visit and let her know what was going on once she got an idea herself of what was happening.

She rushed out of the door, starting in a sprint. She didn't want to lose trace of Homura who had just left. If she ran, maybe she could catch up to the girl. Sayaka let out a frustrated sigh as she looked around, trying to find Homura. She feared that the girl would make an unstable decision and hurt herself. Sayaka knew that Homura was not healthy enough to handle this. She shouldn't even be up and walking around, much less running around and risking herself for Madoka – which was still something that Sayaka didn't understand about Homura. Why was Homura so fixated on Madoka?

Sayaka attempted to push the thought from her mind as she ran, looking all around. She began to feel hope leave her as she got farther and farther away from Mami's apartment. She wondered if everything that she was doing was going to be in vain. She didn't want Homura to harm herself any more than she already had, but she couldn't even find her.

"God dammit!" Sayaka yelled at the air, her legs burning. She didn't want to give up on Homura but she was already so far away from Mami's apartment. Sayaka pulled her cell phone out and tried to call Homura, whose phone went straight to voicemail. After a second and seeing the fact that it was very early in the morning, she decided not to call Madoka or Kyouko.

She put her phone back in her pocket and just sat down where she was on the side of the road. She let out a heavy sigh and put her head in her hands. "Where are you at, Homura?" She asked the air as she stressed herself out over thoughts of where Homura could be at that moment and what she could be doing. She wanted to call Homura and make sure that she was okay, but the time traveller had her phone off.

Sayaka, after a lot of cursing and some anxiety, decided to go ahead and go home. She hadn't gone home in a couple of days without telling her parents about her disappearance at all. She knew that once daylight broke, she was going to have to explain something to her parents. There was no way that she could tell her parents that one of her classmates had had a heart attack and she needed to take care of her. She thought of a few lies and nothing immediately came to mind.

After walking for a while, Sayaka let out a sigh as she came to her apartment. She didn't want to go inside. Her father would be waking up at about this time and she had no excuse for her disappearance. She wanted to stay gone. Sayaka stared at the call box for a moment before pressing the button to talk to the doorman.

"What apartment number?" The doorman asked.

"Ah, umm, actually I was wondering if you would inform Mr. and Mrs. Miki that I stopped by. My name's Sayaka." Sayaka suddenly felt too scared to face her parents.

"Yes, I'll let them know next time they are in the lobby."

"Thank you. Have a nice night." Sayaka said, stepping away. She couldn't go home. Not with everything that was happening at that moment. She needed to look for Homura. She needed to find Homura.

Sayaka started running again. She didn't know where she was going, but she needed to go. She needed to find Homura and she wasn't going to find her without looking around. After a moment, Sayaka decided that it would be best to check places that Homura was likely to go.

The tomboy immediately started on her way to Homura's apartment. She had rarely found the girl in any other place beside her home before. Why would that have changed?

She ran along the streets, barely even paying mind to her steps as she went. Her heart was pounding through her chest and she had her hopes held high for where Homura would be. She just wanted to catch Homura and hold her in a hug. While Sayaka really knew very little of what was going on, she wanted to help Homura. She understood that it wasn't really something that the other girl wanted help with, but Sayaka couldn't accept sitting back and watching her fall to pieces.

When Sayaka came to Homura's apartment number, the door was left ajar. While there were no signs of forced entry, it was obvious that whoever ran through here had left a whirlwind behind them. Sayaka rushed through the house, going back to Homura's bedroom, where the bloody bed sheets hadn't be cleaned. She couldn't find Homura. ' _Why isn't she here?_ ' Sayaka thought angrily as she slammed her fist against the wall. Right when she was about to give up, she heard a clanking noise coming from the bathroom. The door was closed and when she tried the knob it was locked. "Homura?" Sayaka's voice was hesitant.

"I'm not worth your time." Homura's voice responded, slurring and lower pitch than normal.

Sayaka shook her head, before realising that Homura couldn't see her, "That's not true."

"I'm just going to do it again... Every time..." Homura's slurring was impairing her ability to be understood. "Every fucking time...! I hate it!" She yelled suddenly and there was a clank, then the sound of glass breaking against the door.

Sayaka didn't take another second before she backed up and rammed into the door. It busted open and she stumbled inside, immediately having to watch her feet for the broken glass. It took a moment to register what was broken below her. She looked at Homura, who had her back against the bathtub and a rubber band tied around the top part of her arm. Sayaka continued taking in the situation, having problems processing it all. There was glass everywhere and it looked like it may have been from a bottle. Not only that, there was an empty syringe in Homura's right hand. "...You didn't...!" Sayaka mumbled.

Homura nodded, an eerie smile appearing on her face. "I'ma pull the rubber band off and be in heaven."

Sayaka wanted to stop her, but couldn't get herself to move as Homura unstably pulled at the twist in the rubber band causing it to come loose. Sayaka watched as Homura's head lulled back for a moment before she let out a chuckle. Sayaka looked at her with fear in her eyes.

Homura grinned at Sayaka before chuckling, "I's the best, ya know?" Her slur became worse and her eyes looked bugged. "Ahaha, it a'ways calms me 'fore Walpurgis. One night o' pure bliss...!"

Sayaka looked frightened as she somehow managed to ask, "What did you take?"

Homura shrugged before speaking, "I made sure ta be drunk as hell 'fore takin' the drugs cuz I was super worried 'bout it 'til I got so drunk...! I dun even know what it's. But, i's somethin' like coke or crack. I jus' asked for somethin' tha'd put me on my ass." Homura's mumblings were barely even coherent as she picked at a wound on the arm, making the stitch come out and causing it to start bleeding again.

Sayaka moved nearer to Homura, before putting her arms around the drunken girl. "I don't what is causing you so much pain, but I want to help."

Homura shook her head, "I'm like 12 years older'an ya. Nothin' you can do.."

Sayaka shook her head, "Homura, we're the same age."

"Nuh-uh! I been in this month fer like 12 years. I seen Ma'oka, you, Mami, and Kyouko die all the time. Tha's why I needed t'get high." Homura said, not trying to push Sayaka off.

Sayaka didn't say anything as she pondered quietly about it. She knew that she really couldn't listen to anything Homura was saying the state she was in, but she really couldn't shake the feeling that there was some truth in Homura's drunken ramble.

"Anywayyy, I only ge' high one time a timeline. I'd get addicted i'it was too often. But ummmm, wha'was I sayin'?" Homura looked lost suddenly.

Sayaka held on tighter to Homura when the girl began acting confused. Sayaka wanted to be there when Homura was coming down for her high. Sayaka expected that Homura would result to self injury when her high faded and Sayaka couldn't bring herself to leave Homura.

Homura began nuzzling against Sayaka's neck, sniffing and rubbing her nose on the flesh.

Sayaka stiffened up before asking, "What are you doing?"

"Ya smell nice..." Homura said, moving her nuzzles up Sayaka's jaw.

"S...stop..." Sayaka mumbled out, not realising how uncomfortable the position she was in had made her.

Homura chuckled, "But wouldn' it be nice to've one night...!" Homura said as she pushed against Sayaka, knocking her back. She got on top of the tomboy and leaned down, laying small kissing up the girl's jaw.

"N-not like this..! I want my first to be Kyousuke..!" Sayaka said, causing Homura to pull away with one eyebrow raised.

"That dick? You'll choose tha' dick over me?" Homura said, looking genuinely upset.

Sayaka struggled with an answer. She really didn't want to tell Homura that that's exactly what she was doing, in fear that the unstable girl would run off. But she also didn't want to satisfy an erratic girl with her body when Sayaka knew for sure that was the combination of drugs and alcohol that was even making Homura think something like that. She almost started speaking but Homura's mouth covered her own.

Homura kissed her passionately not hesitating at all.

Sayaka pushed on Homura's shoulders, unable to free herself from the weight of the time traveller.

Homura's kiss went from sloppy an unsure to steady in a matter of moments and she began tugging at the neck of Sayaka's shirt.

After a few moments, Sayaka was able to free herself of the kiss but Homura's hands were wondering her body. "Stop...!" She said as she tried to push Homura's palm off of her breast.

Homura shook her head, "I know you wan'it. You like Kyoukoooo, dun you? You're not straight... Fact, I think you're not even bi...! Ya only love that Kyousuke boy for his violin. You could care less i'he wanted sex with ya." Homura said as she moved her foot so it uncomfortably touched Sayaka's thigh.

"That's not true...! None of it...!" Sayaka pushed against Homura again, this time shoving her off. "I... I'm sorry. I want to be here to help you, but I'm not interested like that!" Sayaka said, her voice quivering as she picked herself up and rushed out of the room.

Sayaka felt tears running down her face as she closed Homura's apartment door behind her. She wanted to be there for her, but she couldn't be if Homura was so gone that she was trying to rape her.

Sayaka let out a sigh and decided to sit outside of Homura's apartment building, but not too near her apartment. She felt guilty, but she couldn't allow that to happen. She would still help Homura if she tried to leave, but she couldn't be in there...

Sayaka sat against the wall of the apartment complex and let her thoughts run. That wasn't necessarily the smartest thing to do, as she tended to let everything come down on her at once - which was exactly what happened. Sayaka was thinking about how Walpurgis Night was coming and how she had to protect everyone, including Homura. Then she thought about Homura and the responsibility that she had assumed. She also thought about what had happened just moments ago. Her mood fell more and more as her thoughts ran, causing her to dig in her pocket and pull out the pocket knife she carried for defence and looked around. When she saw that no one was around, she pulled her sleeve up a little and ran the tip along her wrist.

"What the hell are you doin'?" The voice that rang out was all too familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger! I decided it would be fun to write one of those once.


	8. Enthüllt Sich Selbst

"What the hell are you doin'?" The voice that rang out was all too familiar.

Sayaka dropped the knife she had run across her wrist and looked up at the redhead that had caught her attention. When their eyes met, Sayaka couldn't hold back her emotions any longer. Tears suddenly began falling from her eyes and she put her hands up to cover her face. She shook all over as she wept.

Kyouko didn't quite understand what was going on and hesitated when Sayaka started crying. She hadn't meant for the girl to start crying. She quietly took a seat next to Sayaka, not even attempting to say or do anything to comfort her. She knew that Sayaka wasn't one to accept any comforting that she may have tried, so she thought that just her presence alone could be enough to help the girl.

Sayaka kept her face covered as she pulled her legs up to her chest and kept crying. Everything that she had dealt with the last few days had bothered her a lot. She had stayed strong for Homura, for Mami, even for herself. But she couldn't do it. Her tears weren't even due to the fact that Homura had just molested her. They were a combination of everything that had been happening other the last few days. From Hitomi taking Kyousuke to the simple fact that she couldn't go home and face her parents, Sayaka thought it was all too much.

After what seemed like hours, Sayaka finally quit crying so heavily and just hiccupped every few minutes. Finally, Kyouko spoke up, "Is your wrist okay?" Her voice didn't sound like it normally did. She sounded sad.

Sayaka nodded slowly, as she looked at the stained cuff of her uniform. The cut itself was rather shallow, the pocket knife she carried was dull. "I'm fine." Sayaka said, her words stabbing her a little. She remembered how she had just accepted that answer when Homura was dying right in front of her.

Kyouko looked at the concrete below them and nodded, "What happened?" Her words still hung heavy which was unlike Kyouko.

"Nothing." Sayaka said, her voice quiet.

Kyouko shook her head slowly, "People don't just cut themselves and cry like that for no reason."

"It's nothing." Sayaka said, being a little more insistent. She wanted Kyouko to stop asking.

"Does this have somethin' to do with yesterday?" Kyouko asked, remembering that Sayaka had told her that Homura was dying.

"Not really. Homura's okay." The lie was smoothed over easily, especially since the little hesitation almost sounded like the hate that she no longer carried.

Kyouko nodded, not exactly sure how to answer that. The redhead understood that even though they both hated the irregular magical girl, that was no reason to accept her sudden illness so easily.

Silence surrounded the two magical girls for a while before Kyouko cleared her throat in an awkward manor. "Um... I'm starvin' so I think I'm goin' to go. You have my cell number if you need anythin'. I'm always available to talk, don't forget that." Kyouko said as she pushed herself up off of the ground and started away from Sayaka.

The tomboy said nothing as Kyouko left her alone.

Kyouko walked away nonchalantly until she got out of sight from Sayaka. She pulled out her almost indestructible flip phone and dialed for Mami.

The blonde almost immediately answered the phone, "Kyouko, what are you even doing up this early?"

"Couldn't sleep. I wanted to know if you could ditch out on school and meet me at the mall. It's urgent." Kyouko said, as she walked in the direction of the big shopping centre.

"You know I don't condone skipping school." Mami's voice sounded almost like she was scolding the uneducated redhead.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is serious. How often do I ask for you to skip for me?"

Mami's sigh could be heard loud and clear before she spoke again, "Fine. May I ask what it pertains to?"

"Sayaka." Kyouko didn't say any other details.

Mami suddenly sounded a little more interested. "Is she okay?"

"I dun fucking know. That's the problem. I wanna get your advice on somethin'." Kyouko said, not wanting to share her discovery over the phone.

Mami cleared her throat a little, "Do you think Kaname-san should be there to hear as well."

Kyouko thought about it for a second, "Yeah, pro'ly. I mean, Sayaka's her best friend."

"Okay, I'll give her a call as soon as I get off of the phone with you."

"A'ight. I'll be waitin' at the mall's food court for you two." Kyouko said, before hanging up without another word.

Kyouko bought some fries at the fast food restaurant in the food court as she sat and waited for the two middle schoolers to meet her. She folded napkins into paper cranes as she waited, humming some music she had heard at the arcade to distract herself.

Soon, Mami and Madoka were standing before her. Kyouko told them to sit before she cleared her throat. "What I've gotta tell you both'll pro'ly startle you, so be prepared."

Madoka nodded, sitting down first. She had only met Kyouko one other time and she hadn't gotten a very good impression of the seemingly homeless magical girl.

Mami sat down as well, crossing her wrists delicately as she did so. "Now, what was so important that you have us both skipping school?"

Kyouko took another fry into her mouth before rudely talking with her mouth full, "Well, I could've just kept it a secret, so you better be damn grateful. Anyway." Kyouko swallowed the fry before speaking again, "I found Sayaka in front of Akemi Homura's apartment this mornin'. That's not the problem though. She was cuttin' herself."

Madoka let out a gasp before covering her mouth.

Mami tried to keep her stern look, but it faltered for a second.

Kyouko let out a sigh as she shoved another fry in her mouth. She quickly chewed and swallowed it before she continued talking. "She didn't seem too bothered either, 'bout me catching her. She was really upset too, like somethin' happened."

Madoka nodded, "Hitomi has been seeing Kamijou-kun." Madoka spoke as if she was sure that this was at least a good portion of the problems that Sayaka had been dealing with. "I... I knew that she hurt herself sometimes, but I never realised that she had been cutting..." The small girl looked distraught, as if she thought that she was partially at fault for all of what was going on.

Mami quickly put her hand on Madoka's shoulder, as if to tell the girl that she wasn't at fault. Despite her small attempt to comfort Madoka, she didn't say anything.

The redhead finished eating a few more fries before she continued. "I actually called Mami to ask for some advice. I dunno how to deal with shit like this but I really wanna help her..." Kyouko said as she put a fry down that she was going to put in her mouth. "I'm really worried. She hurt herself pretty badly."

Madoka looked down at the table in front of her, "I remember about a year ago, Sayaka was hospitalised. She told be that she was sick... Her mom told me that she had tried to kill herself by cutting... I thought her mom had been lying to me."

Kyouko looked a little more disturbed by the information she had just received than she should have been. "God dammit." Before either of the girls sitting in front of her could move, Kyouko had pushed herself out of her chair and was leaving.

Kyouko knew that she left the two girls very clueless, but she didn't care. All of the pieces fell together and scared her. Despite how much she teased Sayaka about how weak she was and how she picked on her, she still considered the tomboy to be someone important in her life. She didn't want that blue star to fade away.

The redhead rushed back to Homura's apartment, in an attempt to find Sayaka. However, when she got there, there was a bloody trail that led into Homura's apartment, then another path leading out of it again. Kyouko followed the path carefully, worried as the blood became less and less. She could feel her pulse in her head and her stress level was high.

Finally, after some rushing around, Kyouko found Sayaka, who was sitting in an alley. Kyouko was immediately concerned for the younger, just from her appearance. Not only did she have dark circles under her eyes, but her clothes were put on lazily, her tie barely even hanging around her collar. She looked like she had either been raped or beaten or both.

"Are you alright?" Kyouko asked, that small voice back again. She was weak to seeing Sayaka in such a small state.

"No." Sayaka answered honestly. She ran her hands through her messed up hair before letting her hand fall back to her sides.

Kyouko sat down beside her, looking worried. "How are your wrists?" She asked softly, hoping that wasn't a strange question to ask.

"Bleeding, sore, not wounded enough." Sayaka said before shrugging, "Not like it matters anyway. You told Madoka."

"I couldn't just sit back and let you hurt yourself."

"Yet you did." Sayaka said quickly to what Kyouko said.

"I was trying to help." Kyouko's voice elevated a little.

"You told Madoka. That's not helping. I never wanted her to find out. She didn't need to know..." Sayaka said as she gripped her arm tightly with her left hand.

"Your best friend fucking deserves to know what's going on." Kyouko said, her voice showing that she was getting angry with Sayaka.

"Well, you should let her know that her new best friend just fucking raped me." Sayaka said, gripping her arm so tight that blood was beginning to ooze from the cuts underneath the cloth.

"What?" The words that Sayaka said had thrown Kyouko off.

"Homura got really messed up and I ran away at first but after you found me I decided I might as well let it happen. I mean, if that crazy coot is right, we're all dying soon anyway." Sayaka said, her words not really lining up with the trembling of her hands.

Kyouko looked really confused, "Wait, so Akemi Homura raped you?"

Sayaka nodded, looking down at her lap. "At least I won't die a virgin. I mean, it's not like I get a chance with Kyousuke anyway. Might as well let someone have me instead."

"Fucking hell." Kyouko said, slamming her fist onto the ground.

"It's no big deal. I'll be free soon." Sayaka's voice showed her almost certainty in what she just said.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going to die. That's what I mean. Everything else Homura has said so far has been true."

Kyouko didn't know what to say. She wanted to get up when Sayaka stood. She wanted to grab her shoulders and yell at the tomboy for her stupid thoughts, but her body wouldn't move on it's own.

Sayaka turned to face Kyouko one more time, "Tell Madoka I'm sorry." With those words she ran off.

~~~~~~

Sayaka climbed the tall building with confidence, her heart feeling free and light as she got higher and higher off of the ground. Her trembling hands calmed as she reached the roof of the abandoned skyscraper. She silently thanked her magical powers for assisting her ability to climb the building. She folded out a blank piece of paper she had concealed in her pocket before pulling out her pen and writing:

_Dear Anyone That Finds This,_

_I'm sorry that you are going to/have found my body in such a mangled state. I thought that jumping from this building with be the most freeing experience physically possible. I wanted to feel that once before I died._

_I want to apologise to everyone who cared for me, as I've been a stubborn bitch this whole time. I am sure that if I had stayed alive long enough to face everyone with the decision to end my life, I would have been talked out of it. That's exactly why none of you knew about it._

_These next few words are aimed at my close friends whom I love very much._

_Madoka: I'm sorry that I didn't say goodbye. I knew that you would make this harder and I'm a coward for not being able to face you one last time before I jumped._

_Hitomi: You can have him. He's an arrogant ass most of the time anyway and always busy. I'm sorry that I was such a brat about a boy._

_Kyousuke: You are oblivious. All I wanted was to hear you play the violin again._

_Kyouko: I'm sorry that you knew and that you were helpless. I don't think anything that could have been said or done would have fixed anything._

_Mami: You are the best senpai anyone could ask for. You are strong and independent, something I was never able to achieve._

_Homura: I'm sorry for fulfilling your prophecy. At least I didn't die from the expected._

_Once again, I'm sorry to everyone for doing this, but it's really the only option I've got left._

_Miki Sayaka_

Sayaka finished writing the letter and put it in her pocket, along with her student ID card. She moved close to the edge of the building and she looked down, feeling the warm breeze rush past her body as the wind blew. She waited a moment before taking in a slow breath and letting gravity pull her forward.

In a matter of centiseconds, Miki Sayaka was dead. She hadn't felt scared or anything. She felt free.


	9. Sie Starb Nicht; Sie ist Eine Hexe

Kyouko had finally gotten up from the alley where Sayaka had left her. She had let thoughts take over her for those moments and at that time, she was very worried for Sayaka's safety.

The redhead walked and walked and walked, trying to find the girl she was looking for. She checked at the Miki home, at the school, even at the hospital. She began getting a migraine from lack of food consumption as she continued to push herself forward.

After a few hours of searching in the daylight sun, Kyouko decided to check the abandoned buildings of Mitakihara. Rarely did anyone go in this area, as it was not safe; but Kyouko couldn't just leave an area alone that she hadn't checked.

Kyouko felt her heart drop in her chest when she saw her. Sayaka's body was laying limp, her arms and legs at odd angles. She had blood coming from a wound on her head and there was blood dripping from her nose and mouth as well.

Kyouko ran up to the other girl and immediately checked for a pulse; her body temperature already told her the answer she didn't want to know. Kyouko let out a frustrated yell and punched the ground next to Sayaka's body. She didn't care that her knuckles became blood from that. She was frustrated that she could have saved the girl. She had every chance to grab her and hold her in a tight hug and never let her go. She had every opportunity to save her and didn't.

She didn't sit there very long before she patted Sayaka down. She was looking for the girl's cellphone. She wanted to see if anyone else said anything to her moments before her death. While doing this, she found the piece of paper that she assumed was Sayaka's suicide note and she pocketed it for future reference. She continued searching, however never found the phone.

Kyouko stood up, looking at Sayaka's bloody face. Despite the terrible position her body was in, her face looked calm. Kyouko's heart clinched in her chest and she turned away from the mangled body. She walked up to a building and just began punching it and yelling loud curses.

"God fucking dammit!" Kyouko struck her right fist at the brick wall, "Shit!" She hit it with her left fist, "Fuck!" She kept punching the wall and yelling as tears ran down her face.

After a while of her doing this and her hands swelling a lot, Kyouko collapsed on her own weight, dry sobs coming out of her throat. "Dammit, Sayaka.. I just wanted to help you..." Kyouko mumbled, still not facing the body of her friend.

Kyouko struggled, but managed to pull her cell phone out and use speed dial to call Mami.

Mami answered the phone after a few rings and her voice didn't sound particularly happy, "Yes, Kyouko?"

"Sayaka's dead." Kyouko's voice broke when she spoke.

"What?" Mami responded, her tone completely different. "You better not be tricking me, this isn't funny." Mami said, her voice losing it's smooth finish.

"I'm not fucking joking. Sayaka's dead body is sitting right fucking next to me." Kyouko's voice showed her irritation that Mami might have even fathomed that she was tricking her at all.

Mami stayed silence for a few moments before quiet sniffing could be heard over the line. "I... I'm sorry." After that, the line went dead.

Kyouko kept holding the phone to her ear despite the fact that she knew that Mami had hung up. She sat there with her eyes staring down into her lap for quite a while. She eventually forced herself to move, her body aching all over. Her hands hurt terribly and she had a headache from her strong battle with herself to keep from crying.

She put her phone back into her pocket before leaving Sayaka's body without looking back again. She walked for what seemed like years before she came to Mami's apartment. She let out a sigh, knowing that she was bothering the blonde, but she really just needed to be with someone she knew.

Kyouko rang the doorbell and stood there, something she normally wouldn't have done. Any other time, Kyouko would have tried the door and probably rang the bell a few more times just within the small amount of time she had stood there. However, she wasn't feeling up to her normal teasing.

Mami opened the door slowly before looking Kyouko right in the face. She looked like she had probably been crying since they had gotten off of the phone and her hands were shaking. She didn't say anything as she opened the door a little more and walked back to the triangular shaped table.

Kyouko stepped inside before stripping off her boots and going to sit by Mami. She let out a quiet sigh before speaking, "Have you told Madoka yet?"

Mami shook her head, "How could I bring myself to break that kind of news to her?" Her voice trembled with her words.

Kyouko nodded a little, "Yeah, I feel the same way." The room fell into silence again.

The two sat there, not exchanging any words or even looking up at each other for what seemed like hours until the door bell rang.

"I'll get it." Mami said, moving slowly as she got up from the table. She opened her front door and was startled by the door being pushed up and Homura practically barging inside.

"What the hell do you want?" Kyouko said, getting to her feet in under a second, her soul gem already in her hand.

"I'm not here to fight. I've come here to make amends." Homura spoke clearly, whatever high she had been going through obviously gone.

Kyouko didn't back down, "No. Whatever you did to Sayaka, you... you...!" Kyouko was shaking with rage.

Mami walked over to Kyouko and put her hands on the redhead's shoulders. "We should at least hear her out." Mami's voice showed her concern for the magical girl standing before them.

Homura looked at the two of them for a moment before nodding. "Sakura Kyouko, you have every right to be angry with me. I irresponsibly let myself get out of line and caused unneeded harm. But what I've done at this moment doesn't change what happened. We should focus on what's ahead of us."

Kyouko let a little bit of her guard down and she looked at Homura, "What the fuck are you gettin' at?"

"Miki Sayaka didn't die. She left her soul gem atop the building she jumped from. Her soul gem gave birth to a grief seed before her body hit the ground." Homura's words were monotonous, causing Kyouko to clench her fists with rage.

"Don't fucking disgrace Sayaka like that...!" Kyouko nearly jumped forward, but Mami's hands tightened on her shoulders.

"What are you trying to tell us?" Mami said, her caramel eyes staring right at Homura.

"Miki Sayaka has become a witch." Homura said, her voice still carrying no tone. "Her despair has created curses, which she is doomed to carry out unless we destroy her witch."

"There's no way in hell...! I saw her!" Kyouko yelled, her balled fists causing her pain.

Homura turned away from the two girls. "I'm just making sure you received the message. You can decide how you respond to it." With those words, Homura walked out of the Korean-styled apartment.

Kyouko clenched her jaw and her hands, causing the wounds on her hands to bust open. "There's no fucking way. There's no fucking way..." Kyouko mumbled, falling to her knees. Once again, tears began teasing her eyes and she bit her lip tightly.

Mami couldn't find any words, still confused about the fact that Sayaka had become a witch. She had lived as a magical girl for more than a year and hadn't once seen a fellow magical girl die or become a witch. She didn't understand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Homura walked out of Mami's apartment, her own heart clenching as she went. She recalled only the previous night, when she and Sayaka had bonded a little. She hated herself for the things that she had done in this timeline. She knew that she had been the one to murder Sayaka. While she hadn't physically pushed Sayaka off of the skyscraper, she had taken drugs and drank, which caused her to act out of line and sexually assault the tomboy. She hadn't even really had control over her. The rational part of herself had been fighting her own movements, while the part of her brain she couldn't access was touching Sayaka all over.

Homura walked until she reached Madoka's house. She rang the doorbell and stood there, making sure to maintain her strong face.

Madoka's father answered the door, before calling Madoka from upstairs. When Madoka came down, Homura almost fell apart. She decided that she wouldn't tell Madoka about Sayaka, not wanting to be the face associated with such a memory.

"Ah, Homura-chan, good morning." Madoka greeted her with that same nice smile on her face and that look in her eyes that spoke of nothing but kindness.

"Good morning, Madoka." Was it even still morning? So many things had already happened that day, Homura was struggling to keep track. "I've come over to reinforce sometime I told you when we first met."

Madoka looked at her curiously.

"Don't become a magical girl." Homura's words were a little cold as many memories of Madoka contracting came to her mind.

"Well, I..." Madoka started, but let her voice trail off.

Homura's hands reacted before her mind did, grabbing Madoka's shoulders, "Whatever happens, promise me you won't contract."

Madoka looked to her left before nodding slowly, her eyes losing their kindness.

Homura let go of her, regretting that she had done that. "That's all I came to speak with you about." She turned to walk away.

"Wait, Homura-chan." Madoka said, taking a step forward.

Homura looked back, making eye-contact her.

"Have you seen Sayaka lately? She skipped school yesterday and I called her cell phone and it was off... I went to her house last night, but her parents told me that she hadn't been home since the day before..."

Homura shook her head, "I haven't see her." The time-traveller's chest twisted in pain at her lie. She hated lying to Madoka, but she hated even the idea of telling the girl that her friend had passed away even more.

After those words, Homura kept walking away from Madoka, as her own thoughts crushed her alive. She gripped her left wrist tightly as she walked, letting the pain and ache calm her town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, 
> 
> So two chapters in one week, what? Yeah, I have been feeling kinda creative this week. Let me just share that my friend actually asked me if I needed to talk to my therapist when he found out that I killed Sayaka in this fanfiction. Sayaka is my favourite character and normally I would make damn sure that she stay alive throughout the whole story; she was a plot device though, I had to kill her off ;n; 
> 
> Anyway, I'm probably not going to update again for a week or two, but really who knows. 
> 
> Please don't fear that lovely kudos button and also, I love comments ^^
> 
> ~phfatbeatrice


	10. Schädigen für Hoffnung

Despite everything that had happened the day before, Homura woke up and dressed for school as if nothing had happened. Last night, she roamed near where Sayaka had jumped the previous morning, causing herself mental turmoil as she looked at Sayaka's dead body from atop and inside the abandoned buildings surrounding the one she jumped from. She had cut herself many times as she looked at the mangled corpse and let the feeling of hopelessness and bloodloss feed her already guilty regret. 

Homura watched when the police arrived and investigated her body and the area around it. She cried when she watched them lift up the tomboy's body and take it away in an ambulance, despite the fact that the coroner had already come and confirmed her death. She sat in her hiding place and tore up her arms, weeping angrily at herself. 

She walked to school, changed shoes, and went into the classroom, acting as if both of her arms weren't covered in wraps and she hadn't spent a good portion of her night crying into her pillow, only sleeping long enough for her nightmares to haunt her. She sat in her seat on the front row, trying not to make eye contact with Madoka, who was distressfully studying the sign on the floor telling others that the desk that would normally be there was unoccupied. 

"You still haven't told her?" A voice echoed for a moment in Homura's mind, easily identifiable as Tomoe Mami. 

"No, I've not. They are going to make the announcement today. The police found her body last night." Homura tried to keep her poker face, despite the memories she was recalling. 

"How would you know that?" Mami asked, her voice showing her annoyance. 

Homura was not surprised by Mami's almost hateful tone, "I was grieving last night." 

Mami scoffed before continuing, "Right, okay, whatever. What are we going to do about..." Her voice got quieter, as if she were distracted. Homura, however, knew that the blonde wasn't distracted. She still couldn't accept what Homura had told her the night before. 

"About Sayaka's witch? We are going to do what we have to do to any witch; kill her." Homura's voice once again took on a tone of emotionless, as if to sound as not emotionally connected to the situation as possible. 

"But we can't just kill her!" Mami's tone showed just how little she understood the situation. 

"We don't have a choice. If we leave her alone, she will grown more powerful through murdering others and eventually become one with Walpurgisnacht. However, if we get rid of her now, then worrying about her strength in the future won't be a problem." 

"Could we bring her back somehow...?" 

"No. Kyouko has tried that before; never did it work out in her favour." Homura said, once again having that tone of knowledgeability. 

Mami lt out a sigh, obviously still confused by the whole situation. "Anyway, no matter how much this pains me, I am extending an invitation for you to come to my house later so we can properly discuss this in detail." 

"I'll try to attend. I have a feeling Madoka may need me." Homura said, shooting a glance back at Madoka, as if checking to see if she was still there. 

After what Homura said, Mami quit talking to her, which she was almost thankful for. Talking with Mami stressed her out and caused many slips of the tongue. She took in a deep sigh and didn't even bother to pull out her note taking laptop, as she was almost certain of what homeroom would be this time. 

As if on cue, their teacher, Saotome Kazuko, came into the room with a gloomy expression on her face. Normally that expression would warrant people to think that she and her boyfriend broke up; however, Homura knew otherwise. 

"Good morning class. Before you all get settled in, I have been told to announce that there is an emergency assembly we need to attend. Everyone please get up in an orderly fashion." She knew and it was obvious. 

The class got up and quickly organised themselves by family name before being led by Saotome-sensei out of the classroom and to the gymnasium, where assemblies were normally held. They were then told to stand near the front of the assembly, which caused a lot of whispers as the seating was normally arranged by class. 

The whispers died down in the room as the school's principal walked across the stage with a sullen look on his face. As he approached the mic stand on the stage, everyone hushed. 

"Good morning students. I'm am very grief stricken to have to be the one to share this news with you all." He paused for a moment, taking in a big breath. "Late last night, Miki Sayaka of class 2-A's body was found on the outskirts of town. According to the police, she committed suicide." 

Not even a whole moment passed before Madoka covered her mouth and broke the normal formation. She ran from the line, trying to get away from everyone. Homura followed suit, planning not to leave her alone. 

"If you need to step out, please speak to your homeroom teachers now." The principal said, noticing Madoka and Homura's behaviour. 

Madoka didn't listen, continuing to head to the door. Homura stopped for only a moment before Saotome-sensei nodded at her and she followed Madoka out of the gym. 

Madoka froze once she was out of the crowd. "S-she told me..." Her murmur was no louder than a quiet mumble. 

Homura looked at Madoka with a confused face. 

Madoka shook her head, covering her mouth again. "S-she told me... What Hitomi did... I didn't believe her... I told her not to do anything rash... I tried to call her after she disappeared... I thought that maybe she ran away again... This... T-this is all my fault...! I'm a terrible friend.... Why didn't I see the signs... Why didn't I tell someone about her cutting, about her thoughts of suicide..." Madoka was crying, holding her body with one arm, her mouth with her hand. 

"There's nothing you could have done. This is more my fault than it is yours. I egged her on, I made her think that cutting wasn't a cry for help, but that of an attention seeking behaviour. I belittled her because of it." Homura was once again lying to Madoka. She hadn't belittle Sayaka, she had been eager to make her think what she was doing was okay. She had caused Sayaka to commit suicide by sexually harassing her after being irresponsible. She took all of the blame for Sayaka's death. 

"T-this is my fault.." Madoka said, obviously not listening to what Homura had said. 

Homura wasn't angry at Madoka not listening to her. She was in a state of distress, there was no way she would accept someone else's words at a time like this. "I... I know that this is a bad time, but I'm here for you if you need anyone." 

Madoka looked up from the ground when Homura spoke. She nodded slowly before walking over to the time traveller and embracing her, "Thank you, Akemi-san.." 

Homura carefully wrapped her arms around Madoka, despite the feeling of inadequacy she had. She wished that this wasn't just a false moment of appreciation due to her presence being there during grieving. Homura wish that she was close enough to Madoka that that was something she wanted to do before Homura was there to help. 

Madoka continued holding onto the girl for a while until Saotome-sensei came out of the gym, to check on the two girls. 

"Are you two okay? I know that you were very close to Miki-san, Kaname-san.. If you need to, you can go home. No one expects you to be in class after this." 

Madoka let go of Homura and pulled away, before nodding, "I'll leave... I can't..." She didn't have to finish her sentence for the two to understand what she was trying to say. 

"Akemi-san, you can leave too, if you need to." 

Homura nodded, "Then I shall take my leave as well. Excuse me, sensei." 

With those words, Homura turned and followed Madoka to the shoe lockers. While they changed shoes, Homura spoke, "Madoka, if you need someone to talk to..." 

"No, I think I'm just going to go home. There's nothing to talk about." Madoka was obviously distraught. She looked pale, like she might vomit or pass out.

Homura nodded slowly before letting out a quiet sigh. "I'll e-mail my address to you, in case."

Madoka didn't move for a second before nodding, "Okay. Just in case." She turned away and started walking ahead of Homura. She stopped after only a few steps before mumbling out, "Don't kill yourself too." With that statement, she kept going. 

Homura stood there without a word, looking down at the wraps on her arms. With her risky self harming behaviours, it wasn't possible for her to promise Madoka that she wouldn't kill herself. She stared at her arms for a long time before moving ahead. 

Before she even got to her home, she received a text message from Mami asking her if she was coming over. With a heavy sigh and a bit of conflicting thoughts, Homura replied, "Yeah. I'll be there in a few minutes." 

She quickly sent that message before sending Madoka her address. She also told her that she wasn't there at that moment, but if she called, Homura would tell her where she was. 

Homura walked to the Tomoe residence with a gloomy expression on her face, not wanting to go. She would have much rather gone home and thought about what was happening in this timeline. Everything was so far off from the original plot. For one, Kyouko came back much earlier than normal; in this time she even managed to mend broken ties with Mami and create a bond with Sayaka. Another difference was that Homura and Sayaka had formed some sort of sick bond with each other. The last big difference was that Sayaka committed suicide. Even if she had become a witch, she still jumped from atop a building. 

Homura let out a sigh, trying to clear her head as she rang the doorbell by the blonde's front door. 

Mami answered her door, not saying anything as she walked back to her table. 

Homura walked in and immediately noticed that there was hot tea prepared. She felt her stomach churn a little, reminding her that she hadn't eaten since before she had gotten high the night before Sayaka was found. She didn't say anything about her lack of care for herself as she sat down at Mami's triangular shaped table. 

"How is Madoka?" Mami asked quietly, taking a glance at her phone. 

Homura shrugged, "Responding how any normal person would respond to finding out their friend is dead.

Mami nodded slowly, taking a sip of her tea, "How are you taking it?" 

"Taking it any way someone who has been exposed to many deaths would take it." Homura said, no hint of rudeness coming from her. "How are you faring?" 

"It's rough." Mami said looking down at her tea, "I don't know what to do." 

"Our only option is to kill the witch." Homura said, almost certain that that was what Mami was talking about. 

"I... I know... But what if there is something, _anything_ that we can do to bring her back." Mami said, looking almost desperate. 

"There is no way. Wishes, hopes, and miracles may exist, but are only obtainable by very few for a limited time. Sadly, All of the wishes, hopes, and miracles that Miki Sayaka had are gone now." Homura said, her tone becoming cold as she locked herself away again. 

Mami shook her head, "Thinking like that won't get us anywhere..." Her tone sounded uncertain, despite her words. 

"It may not, but it's the truth. There is nowhere to go." Homura said, looking away from Mami. "Excuse me for one moment; your restroom is this way, correct?" Homura pointed to the direction she last remembered Mami's bathroom being. She rarely used the busty teen's facilities so she was surprised she even had an inkling of an idea where the restroom would be.

Mami nodded slowly.

Homura got up from the table and led herself to the lightly decorated bathroom. Like everything else in Mami's apartment, it was designed well, despite being the home of only one person. 

The time traveller let out a heavy sigh as she closed the door, finding that there was no lock on it. She decided that that should be okay before sitting down on the floor slowly. She slipped her razor out of the side of her shoe slowly before pulling down her tights. She had yet to wound her legs, not needing to; but now, she had used up practically all of the flesh on her forearms and couldn't risk unwrapping them in Mami's bathroom anyway. She pulled her tights down and kicked her shoes off, pulling her tights off as well. 

After she exposed her bare legs, she crossed them, before resting the razor on her lower leg. She carefully ran the new blade over her flesh, feeling a new stinging feeling. She bit her lip as she thought of her behaviours and how hopeless she was in this situation. She ran the blade over her flesh a few more times, taking in the pain. As she gained confidence in the area, the wounds got deeper. By the fifth cut, the wound needed stitches. She was sure it was okay though. 

As she rested the blade on her leg for the sixth cut, the door opened. Homura looked up and jumped from surprise at seeing Mami's golden eyes staring right at her exposed, bleeding leg. Her reaction caused her to cut deeply one more time, showing how tightly the blade had been pushed against her skin before she had been startled. 

"What are you doing?!" Mami asked, as she dropped to her knees and grabbed Homura's hand, taking the blade from her. 

"I..." Homura had to think for a second. She was still trying to process what was going on right before her. "I was trying to feel Sayaka's pain. I wanted to see why she hurt herself to cope." That lie would have to be sufficient enough. Homura hadn't cut her legs before so it did look like a first, as long as no one noticed the wraps on her arms, which were covered by her sleeves. 

Mami shook her head as she took the blade from Homura and wrapped it in toilet paper before throwing it in the trash, "How dare you." She said that, before turning away. "How dare you mock her, mock us like that. Sayaka is dead and here you are, cutting yourself...! Are you wanting to die too? Is that it?" Mami asked, turning to look at Homura again.

Homura shook her head, "I don't want to die. I can't die right now. I just wanted to sympathise in some way." 

Mami looked at the ground, her eyes studying Homura's cut up leg. "This isn't the way to do it." 

Homura nodded a little, "I see that now. I'm sorry for this. It won't happen again. Don't tell anyone." Homura spoke with little emotion again as she grabbed some toilet paper to dab the wounds before putting her tights back on, then her shoes.

Mami looked at her with suspicious eyes, "Last time something like this was kept a secret, someone died." 

"I understand that, but this was just an experiment to see if it would help me understand why she did it. I have no plans to do it again." Homura said, desperation almost taking over her voice. 

Mami let out a sigh before finally nodding, "Fine, I won't say anything. If I catch you again though..." 

"It won't happen again." Homura said, getting up off of the floor. She patted herself off before moving forward, "Now, shouldn't we be discussing how we are going to handle Miki Sayaka's witch."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> Oh my gosh has it been forever since I've updated or what? I'm sorry about the delay... I've been suffering from a lot of stress lately and it was very offputting as far as writing went. I'm behind on all of my homework and having lots of anxiety because of school and social interactions ;n; I wrote this chapter last night to cope with some anxiety and it helped a bit, so maybe I shouldn't put off writing since it helps me feel better? I dunno. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys liked it and I'm sorry for leaving it at a cliffhanger yet again. 
> 
> ~phfatbeatrice


	11. Verzweiflung von Selbstbeschädigung

"We'll have to get as close to her as possible while avoiding all of her familiars and weapons." Homura said, before sipping at the tea that Mami had brewed. She had fought the witch of Miki Sayaka many times, so fighting her wasn't something so hard to comprehend, unlike how it seemed to any of the other magical girls; in fact, in this timeline, this was one of the only things that was going accordingly.

Mami shook her head, "What do you mean? Are you sure that there is no way to save Miki-san?" The veteran asked, her face showing that she still couldn't believe that Sayaka had become a witch.

While Homura could relate to the feelings of the other magical girl in front of her, she still shook her head, "No. I've seen everything before, this cannot be undone."

"But what if it's different with Miki-san!?" Mami said, getting upset.

"It's not. Nothing is going to change, no matter how hard we try. Miki Sayaka is a witch, that fate cannot be avoided. If we let her live on, she'll just murder more and more people and become another Walpurgisnacht. We both know that that is not what Miki Sayaka really wants, correct? Then our best option is to go ahead and fight Oktavia von Seckendorff." Homura said as she adjusted her legs a little.

Mami stared down at her tea, trying to think of what she could say or do to change how things were working out, even though that seemed impossible at that exact time.

"Anyway, I should be going. I've got to prepare for tomorrow." Homura said, taking one last sip of her tea before getting up.

Mami got up with her and looked right at her, "Are you sure you're alright? Are you sure you can be alone right now?"

Homura nodded, "I'm fine. Like I said, I was just wanting to see how Miki Sayaka felt. I'm fine now." With those words, Homura grabbed her school bag and began walking out of the apartment.

Homura walked all the way to her apartment without even stopping to take a simple breath. She wanted to go home as soon as possible, as she had lied thoroughly to Mami. She was not alright. She was not okay. She was angry that she let Sayaka die in this timeline. She was upset that they were going to have to kill the one person who had stayed close to her in this timeline. She knew that that was stupid of her to think but she was really just upset.

Once the time traveler had gotten back to her apartment, she closed the door but decided that locking it was not needed since the only person who would have walked into her apartment was the girl who had become a witch.

She almost immediately goes to her room and collapses on her bed. She bit her lip in an attempt to prevent the tears from teasing her bloodshot eyes. She was so upset and angry at Sayaka for being so careless. She threw one of her pillows across the room, cursing to herself as she did such a thing.

Homura got up after sobbing for a long time, walking to her bathroom. She sat down on her tiled floor and pushed her sleeves up, looking at the bloody wraps that she still had on her arms. She quietly began to remove the wrap, revealing her repulsive arms. They were both so covered in cuts, it was hard to identify them as human arms still attached to someone living.

After studying the wounds for what was probably longer than necessary, she pushed herself off of the floor and turned on the water. She made it warm, even though she would have normally used hot for what she was about to do. She just needed to break from everything.

Homura ran her arms under the warm water, cleaning them delicately without causing them to bleed again. She really just needed to take a step back from everything that had happened. She knew that it was all different and she blamed herself for it. She was the one at fault for it all. If she just hadn't started cutting herself, than everything would have been relatively static.

As she thought this, she stared at the knife on her counter and let out a heavy sigh. she was still very angry at herself for everything and especially for cutting; but now it was habit that she couldn't kick, because it helped her with many years of dealing with all of this trauma.

Homura moved her arms out from underneath the water and grabbed the knife, just studying it. She knew that she really shouldn't be thinking about cutting again even after everything it had done to this timeline. She knew that she was being anything but responsible. She kept chastising herself as she studied the blade.

She recalled Mami finding her in such a vulnerable state and she gritted her teeth, her mood not getting any better. She bit her lip and put the knife up to her arms, which were already completely covered in cuts. She ran the blade over previous wounds, causing them to bleed immediately and causing her more pain than normal. She cut over a few cuts two or three times, as she watched them bleed. One was very wide, so deep that she could see a lot of fatty tissue.

Homura cut herself over and over, on both of her arms. She didn't even care that her uniform was being covered in her blood, because her arms were practically gushing blood. She didn't care that she had, somewhere along the way, gotten so dizzy that she was back on her bathroom floor. She just ran the blade over her wrist again, letting out sobs.

The time traveler let go of the handle of the blade, tears running down her face. She couldn't believe how low she had become. She was soaked in her own blood and her head felt faint. She had cut her arms until they looked like something that had been put through a meat grinder. She just wanted to fix it all. What all had she broken in the first place for her own pleasure? Now she was upset that everything that she had broken was coming back to her tenfold. She deserved all of this.

Homura continued crying as she stared down at her wrists. She was surprised that her soul gem hadn't turned completely black at that point. It was still a relatively pure colour despite having a few darker blotches. She wondered how sick she had to be that the misery she was in now wasn't enough to put her into despair. She wondered about how Sayaka must have felt as she decided to jump from that building; she wondered if it was anything like how she felt at that moment.

Homura heard a shifting by her and she looked up, her reddened, misty eyes greeted with the image of the girl who she was trying to save in the first place. She noticed Madoka's eyes staring right at her in what Homura could only describe as shock. She understood; finding someone covered in their own blood and so delirious from bloodloss that they are sobbing must be scary.

Madoka, without even saying a word, let her knees give out on her and she crawled over to Homura before reaching into Homura's cabinet and finding what first aid supplies Homura had. She pulled out the cotton balls and peroxide with the wrap. She looked back at Homura before quietly grabbing her hand, holding the time traveler's blood covered arm up. She let go of her hand after a moment and found a wash rag under the sink where she had found everything else and got up only long enough to wet the rag and get back down where she could clean Homura's arm.

Homura watched through blurry vision as Madoka ran the cool paper towel up and down her sore skin without so much as one negative comment. She loved Madoka for this reason; she was very sweet and she never judged her, no matter what she did.

Madoka continued cleaning her arm until most of the blood was gone. She carefully laid cotton balls over the deeper cuts before wrapping Homura's arms with delicacy. She continued to act in silence as she finished up covering the flesh. She looked up at Homura's face to see that the girl was staring at where Madoka had put the wrap. The first thing that the smaller girl said was, "Did I wrap it too tight?" Her voice revealed that she was crying, even if it was almost completely silent.

"It's fine." Homura replies, looking up at the love of her life. She noticed that Madoka was crying and she shook her head slightly, "Madoka..."

Madoka looked away as she wiped away tears. She stares at anything that wasn't Homura as she got up from the bathroom floor, putting the stuff that she had gotten back under that sink where they had been.

"Madoka?" Homura repeated the girl's name with more of a questioning tone.

Madoka shook her head, turning her whole body away from Homura. She didn't say a word as her crying got a little louder and she began shaking a little worse than she had been before.

Homura's brows came together as she watched Madoka sob, "I'm sorry... It'll get better..." Homura said, trying to somehow comfort the girl.

Madoka looked back for one second before shaking her head again, her whole body trembling with her. "If you really are sorry, then quit." She said, before stepping out of the bathroom. "I'll never forgive you if you don't." Madoka said in a trembling voice before walking away.

"Wait, Madoka...!" Homura said, trying to get up but her lightheadedness forbade her from moving more than a few feet from where she was. Before she could even get to her feet, she heard her front door close. She let go of the counter collapsing back only the floor. She let out cries as tears ran down her face.

The one thing that she didn't want to happen was happening again; she was losing Madoka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers:
> 
> I apologise for that huge month long hiatus I took from writing. As some of you may know, Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode came out. I ordered it and it's been my addiction for most of this last month. Alongside that, I've been struggling to write things with lots of self injury in it as I have seasonal depression and another thing you all may know is that pretty much everyone in North America has been freezing their asses off. Coldness triggers my really bad depression and anxiety and so... I've not really been in the mood. It's even been difficult to stay in my muse (Touko Fukawa from Dangan Ronpa) on Tumblr. In general, this long overdue chapter was just badly timed and I needed to wait until I was in a safe place to write it.
> 
> Anyway, reviews and favourites are always welcome!
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> ~Phfatbeatrice


	12. Schrammen und ein Vertrag

Madoka couldn't stop her tears.

She came straight home from Homura's house and even stormed right past her mom and locked her bedroom door, which wasn't like her. She slammed it behind her and immediately fell against the door, letting out heavy sobs. She covered her eyes and slid down the wooden door. She crumpled in her doorway, crying heavily as she recalled cleaning Homura's wounds and bandaging them for her.

Madoka was trying to grasp that two of her friends had been cutting themselves. She hadn't believed anyone when they told her about Sayaka, even though she had even caught the girl a few times. She wanted to believe that Sayaka didn't need to hurt herself to feel happy. She also wanted to believe that Homura didn't need to hurt herself to feel okay, but the sight she had engraved in her mind told her otherwise. She knew she couldn't deny what was happening, but she wanted to.

The small middle-schooler finally stopped crying so heavily, her condition going from broken to curious. As she thought about what her friends had been doing, she wondered why they did what they did. She researched self injury on the internet, surprised by the many reasons people hurt themselves. She didn't want to believe that her friends felt numb or felt the need to be punished in some way. She wanted them to be happy and she wished that she could just make everything better... But Sayaka had been hurting so badly that she had killed herself to make herself feel better... And Homura wasn't too far behind that.

She spent hours looking at articles about self injury and pictures of shallow cuts and deep cuts that looked like Homura's arm had. She found some frightening pictures of self injury where people had cut big chunks out of their skin, and she found recovery blogs with scars from as long as ten years back. She was frightened that there was actually such a large amount of the world that did this to themselves. She wanted to understand how they felt, how they feel.

Madoka continued researching the dangerous subject. She looked up how to self-injure and different forms of self injury. She flinched at the images of people burning themselves. She saw reports of people that broke their own bones as a form of self-injure. She studied how people would exercise or starvev themselves as forms of self-injury. She couldn't understand how anyone could hate themselves so much as to deprive themselves of basic human needs just to punish themselves or claim control of their lives.

After flooding her mind with many vulgar things that she would normally have never even thought about looking at, Madoka opened the draw to her desk, grabbing her pair of scissors. She opened the blade and studied it closely. She looked at her unscarred arm, wondering what cutting herself would feel like. She imagined it to be painful, but she also wanted to know what her friends felt when they did that to themselves. She thought about the may forms of self injury she had found and wondered if her friends had tried any of the other forms of self injury. She hoped not, but she couldn't promise herself that they hadn't.

She, after staring at the blade longer than she probably should have, got up from her desk, shaking slightly at the thought of what she was planning to do. She promised herself before she even did this that she would tell someone before it became a problem - if she ended up liking the feeling that is. She was alost certain that the feeling of hurting herself would be a terrible one, but she couldn't guarantee anything.

She listened closely at her door checking to make sure that both of her parents were asleep or at least settled. It was past 10 pm, so normally both of her parents were in bed if her mom didn't come home completely drunk. She was sure she was safe, at least she could only hope that she was safe.

Madoka opened her door slowly, hiding the scissors she was still holding in her pajama pocket. She was shaking slightly, not sure what she was thinking. She just wanted to understand her friends. She sneaked to the bathroom that was only a few steps away from her bedroom. She closed the door behind her and locked it.

She held her arm close to herself as she got the scissors out of her pocket and opened them slowly. She put the cold steel against her skin and pushed down. She was shaking like a leaf, watching the door closely.

In one swift movement Madoka ran the scissor blade against her skin and she unintentionally let out a hiss as she dropped the scissors, holding her arm close. The wound she had made stung and Madoka was scared to look at it.

After a few minutes and getting used to the hot sensation of the injury, she looked at the cut she had made. It was shallow and barely even bleeding. It looked about like what a cat might do, but nothing compared to the condition of Homura's torn up arm.

Madoka let her legs go out from underneath her and she held her wrist as she started crying again. She couldn't understand why her friends did this. It hurt really bad and only this one cut made Madoka feel so ashamed of herself. She cried while hugging her arm, thinking about Homura and Sayaka and trying to imagine the psychological pain they would have to be in to handle the pain of hurting themselves. Madoka couldn't understand it.

She cried on her floor for a long time, just staring at the scrape that had already clotted. She felt terrible that she couldn't possibly understand this part of some of her closest friends. She could only think about how the small scrape ached and felt irritated. She couldn't even imagine the feeling of the deep lacerations on Homura's arms.

Madoka bit her lip before mumbling, "Kyuubey." She said, hoping that the lurking alien would be somewhere nearby. She had finally thought of a wish. She knew that it had been a long time since the cat like creature had actually asked her to contract, but he had been around here and there.

"Yes, Kaname Madoka?" There he was, the white alien that had the magic to turn girls into magical girls.

"I know what I want to wish for." Madoka said with a very serious face, one that didn't really fit her facial structure. She had thought about this more than one time that night and she had thought about if it was worth it. She also thought if it was worth breaking her promise with Homura. After a lot of thoughts, she thought that it was reasonable. If her wish was to save Homura from herself, than maybe the dark haired time traveler could be forgiving.

"Oh? What have you decided on?" Kyuubey asked, sitting on the edge of her sink, his red eyes piercingly watching her.

Madoka took in a deep breath before speaking, "I want my friends to be happy. Well, more like, I want them to be safe from themselves. Asking for their happiness wouldn't be fair... But I want them to be safe from themselves." Madoka said, looking at Kyuubey without breaking contact.

Kyuubey nodded and extended his long ears and the room seemed to warp in Madoka's eyes. Her chest ached for a moment and she couldn't help the yell that escaped her mouth. The pain of whatever Kyuubey was doing whelmed her for a moment.

After a few seconds and somewhat of an out of body experience, Madoka was holding onto a cool gem. She looked down at her palm and in that moment, Kyuubey spoke, "You wish has been granted."

Madoka let out a sigh, almost as if it was a breath that she had been holding for a while. She looked at Kyuubey before looking genuinely grateful, "Thank you." She said. She glanced at the light pink gem in her left hand before pushing herself up off of her bathroom floor. She grabbed her scissors and put them back in her pajama pocket before slipping out of the bathroom and into her room.

Madoka put the scissors back where they were supposed to go before closing her computer and sitting on her bed, putting the soul gem down as she grabbed her cellphone. She let out a small sigh, feeling quite exhausted after everything that had happened that day. Normally she was asleep by 9:30 pm, so she was actually up quite late, as it was almost 10:30 pm at this point.

The small girl looked down at her phone screen, worried about the text she was thinking about sending. She knew that Homura was going to be angry at her, but she needed to tell her. She opened up a new text screen before typing in Homura's name, then beginning to type her message, "Hey, Homura-chan. Umm, please don't be mad... I became a magical girl. I wanted to help in anyway I could. Hopefully now I'll be able to properly help you." Madoka stared at her phone screen for a while before pressing the send button and laying down, pulling the blanket over herself as she feared the reply she knew she was going to get.

After a few seconds, her phone vibrated in her hand and she looked at the screen. She opened the text and her heart dropped at the reaction she knew that she was going to get, "YOU WHAT!?"

"I became a magical girl. I'm always useless, being save by you... You are under a lot of stress, so I thought I would become a magical girl so that I could help you out more... Maybe I can help fight Walpurgasnacht (sp?)" Madoka sent the text without second guessing herself. She was digging herself into a hole, she knew it.

A few moments go by and Madoka received another text, "Madoka, I don't mind saving you. You are NOT fight Walpurgisnacht. It's too dangerous."

"I'm sure I can do it!" Madoka sent that text before typing another quickly, "I... I don't want you to feel the need to hurt yourself anymore. I want to take some of that stress from you."

A long time went by without another text, causing Madoka to begin to doze before her vibrating phone startled her back into consciousness. "Ah, so this is about earlier... I'm fine. I can handle it all."

Madoka replied groggily, "No, you can't... If you could, you wouldn't have to hurt yourself..."

"I'm fine." The reply came quickly, and Madoka could feel the lie that followed it; but she decided not to point it out.

"Okay than.. Anyway, I'm going to bed. Good night, Homura-chan." Madoka laid her phone on her side table before rolling over, almost immediately falling to sleep. She dreamed of everything that had happened that day, causing her not to get a lot of rest.


	13. Madoka ist ein magisches Mädchen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> I'm so sorry that you guys have had to wait for this chapter. A lot of stuff has gone down and I was having like a month long psychological breakdown. I'll try to write more to this now that I'm feeling even just a little bit better. 
> 
> phfatbeatrice

Homura had laid in her bed for hours in an attempt to rest even just a little bit before having to face the world again. She didn't want to go back to school or go fight Walpurgisnacht or really do much of anything. The simple thought of Madoka having seen her in that terrible situation made her very upset and now she just wanted to lay in her bed and sleep. She was so embarrassed to have ever let Madoka see her in such a weak state.

After what seemed like a long time, but really wasn't more than a few hours, Homura heard her phone go off on the side table. She lifted the flip phone and opened the device to stare at the screen. She opened the text message that she had received.

"Hey, Homura-chan. Umm, please don't be mad... I became a magical girl. I wanted to help in anyway I could. Hopefully now I'll be able to properly help you." The text read. Homura tensed all over and sat up in her bed, not even minding the fact that she felt one of the wounds on her arms pull open and start bleeding.

"YOU WHAT!?" Homura texted Madoka back, feeling her heart rate pick up and her whole body tense with the stress that came with the simple thought that Madoka had contracted and became a magical girl.

"I became a magical girl. I'm always useless, being save by you... You are under a lot of stress, so I thought I would become a magical girl so that I could help you out more... Maybe I can help fight Walpurgasnacht (sp?)" Homura read the text and the grip on her phone got tighter with every word that she took in. She shook her head and she could feel her anxiety overwhelm her.

Homura took in a deep breath before keeping her anger and anxiety to herself before replying to Madoka, "Madoka, I don't mind saving you. You are NOT fighting Walpurgisnacht. It's too dangerous."

She took in a sharp breath, trying to get herself to calm down. She couldn't even begin to imagine that Madoka really contracted even after Sayaka's death, even after everything. Just as she thought that, another text came through, "I'm sure I can do it!" Homura almost physically flinched at the thought. Another text came through and she opened it swiftly, "I... I don't want you to feel the need to hurt yourself anymore. I want to take some of that stress from you."

Homura bowed her head after reading the words on her cellphone screen. She couldn't believe that Madoka had contracted because of her self harming. She bit her lip as she remembered earlier that day and what Madoka had said to her. She wanted to hurt herself again as punishment for what happened, but she couldn't; she didn't want to upset Madoka anymore than the smaller girl was already. She turned her attention back to her cell phone and typed out another text message, "Ah, so this is about earlier... I'm fine. I can handle it all."

Not long went by before Homura got another text message, "No, you can't... If you could, you wouldn't have to hurt yourself..."

Homura trembled a little as she read the text, not sure how she could reply to that. She knew that what Madoka was saying was true but she really couldn't admit that. She wanted to put on a ruse for Madoka so that she wouldn't feel the need to fight Walpurgisnacht and put herself into anymore anger than she already was. "I'm fine." Homura replied, sending it without any hesitation.

Another reply came by quickly, "Okay than... Anyway, I'm going to bed. Good night, Homura-chan."

Homura closed her phone and let out a heavy sigh. She had no idea how she was going to cope now that she had upset Madoka so much with everything that happened. She wondered for a brief moment if she could seek more medication to fix the problems; but then memories of Sayaka and everything that she did to the girl came back to her and she shook her head.

The brunette fell back onto her bed and covered her head with a blanket, trying to shut out what she had learned. She wanted to forget it all, she just wished that Kyuubey had never approached any of them and hadn't contracted Madoka in that first timeline... If only that hadn't happened, than they would all still be alive and happy.

After rolling around and tossing and turning throughout most of the night, Homura fell into a heavy sleep. She slept for a while before being jolted awake with her internal clock reminding her of school.

The veteran magical girl rolled over in her bed and covered her face with her blanket, trying to ignore her internal clock that was yelling at her that it was time to arise. She didn't want to go to school. What was school even worth when she was just going to turn back time anyway? She knew everything that they were studying at that point, she really didn't think school was that important.

After trying to convince herself that school was really not worth it, she ended up pushing herself up to go to school anyway. She thought that maybe she could talk to Madoka at school, if the girl would just listen to Homura. She was reminded of the texts from the night before and Homura's chest twisted in discomfort. She couldn't accept that Madoka had contracted again. It hurt her. She knew that this timeline was over at this point.

When Homura arrived on the school grounds, the very first thing she noticed was the redhead eating away at her stolen goods. She spoke with a bit of malice, "What are you doing on these grounds?" Homura asked, walking straight up to Kyouko.

"Back off, it's not like you own the fuckin' school. I came here to check on Madoka." Kyouko said, taking another bite from the apple she was holding.

Homura clinched her hand, "Why do you need to talk about with Madoka?" She unintentionally took a step closer to the thief.

Kyouko rolled her eyes, "Check on her, dumb fuck. Her best friend just died."

Homura continued griping her head tightly before speaking, "What kind of connection with Madoka do you have to reach out to her about the loss of Sayaka Miki?"

"Look, we were both friends with Sayaka, I just wanna make sure she's okay." Kyouko said, being quite clear with what she wanted.

Homura let out a deep breath before talking again. "I'll check and make sure if she's okay."

Kyouko crossed her arms, tossing the completely eaten apple away from her, "You're the only reason any of us are in this mess."

Right as Homura was about to make a comeback, Mami walked up. "Well, good morning. It's too early to be starting a fight, isn't it?" Mami said, using her own form of passive aggressiveness to get the two headstrong girls to back down.

Kyouko grumbled out something akin to a reply, while Homura stayed completely silent.

Mami nodded at the replies of the two girls, "Now, Sakura-san, we really need to be heading to class. Maybe you should come back later?"

Kyouko let out a noise in protest before sighing, "Fine. See ya." She turned around, leaving with no more chatter.

Mami looked at Homura, "As for you, I expected you to know better than to pick fights so early in such a public place."

Homura continued to stay silent. She was fed up with Mami's act of superiority. She wasn't anything but a good actress and Homura knew that. After a moment or two, Homura finally spoke, "Like you said, we need to get to class." She pushed her hair away from her face and began walking away.

Mami let out a sound of annoyance, before turning and walking in her own direction of class.

Homura didn't acknowledge anything else that Mami may have done as she walked towards her class. Her head was beginning to hurt already and she couldn't even understand why she was going to school in the first place. She knew everything that they were going to be teaching and she had bigger things to deal with - like Oktavia von Seckendorff and Madoka being a magical girl.

She took in a deep breath as she climbed the stairs to the second floor. She was just so tired. She wished that she could give up on the world before her. She wanted to just go back in time now and start over. This timeline was already over before it started. Homura knew that this world was done; Madoka had become a magical girl.

Homura walked through the door of the classroom and her eyes immediately landed on the light hair of Madoka. She didn't say anything to the girl, her heart skipping a beat. She sat down at her desk, putting her head in her hands.

The two girls didn't interact all throughout homeroom and even into the afternoon. Homura avoided Madoka at lunch, her heart heavy the whole time. She was trying to think of things that she could do to fix the situation, but nothing came to her mind that she hadn't already tried and failed.

When the last bell rang out, Homura closed the laptop she had in front of her for notes. She looked over at Madoka, noticing that the girl hadn't gotten up from her desk. Homura immediately noticed the expression on the girl's face and felt the need to go over and talk with her. Even though she was angry at Madoka for contracting, the smaller girl had just suffered the loss of her closest friend.

Homura took in a small breath as she walked towards Madoka, "Madoka." Homura said, looking at the girl, "How are you?" The question was stupid since Madoka was obviously upset.

Madoka just shook her head, staring down at her hands. She wasn't crying, but her expression implied that she very well could start at any moment.

Homura didn't know what to say. There was really very little she could think to say that would change the situation at all. She wondered if she should even try to say anything. She knew that her presence wasn't enough to make her feel better, that was for sure. She didn't know what she could do to fix what Madoka was going through.

_She could go back in time._

The thought of going back this early frightened her though. What kind of timeline was this were everything was so difficult? Everything had changed and Homura had no control over anything that happened. It frightened her more than anything. She didn't want to face it. At the same time, if she travelled back, what would the next timeline look like?

Homura felt like she was the one at fault for everything that had gone wrong in this timeline already. The most she could do was attempt to clean everything up before repeating the timeline once again.

Homura looked down at her feet for a moment before speaking to Madoka, "Madoka, I'm sorry about what happened to Sayaka. If there was anything I could do to make it better, I would." Even though Homura knew that there was at least something that she could do to 'make it better' per se, it wasn't really a good fix and Madoka wouldn't remember it anyway. Instead, she stuck to consoling words that really meant nothing at face value.

Madoka looked at Homura with a face that looked like she might just start crying at any second. She didn't say anything to the time traveler before looking back down at her desk, nodding slowly. After a long moment of silence, Madoka spoke, "Akemi-san... Can you teach me how to fight witches?" Her words sounded like she was unenthused with the idea, but was going to do it anyway.

Homura took in a small breath before managing to control her tone, "Yes, Madoka. I will teach you to fight witches." Much like a lot of what she did, the only reason why she agreed to help Madoka was because it would postpone the newest magical girl's death.

Madoka nodded quietly, not saying another word. She slipped out of her desk and nodded at Homura before walking out of the classroom with a pained expression on her face.

Homura let out a heavy sigh before following the smaller girl in leaving the classroom. She didn't want to, but it was time to approach Mami about going and fighting Oktavia von Seckendorff. They couldn't squander too long and let her gather more energy; they needed to approach her before she was too powerful for just two magical girls.

The time traveler spent a few moments walking to the front of the school, planning to wait for the blonde there. While she really didn't want to go fight the witch of someone she was close to, she knew that it was inevitable. She wasn't going to get around it and it would be better to just get it out of the way then.

After a few moments and Homura watching other students walk by without even a care in the world, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to meet the eyes of Mami, who didn't look particularly perky.

"How are you faring this afternoon?" Mami asked, her words almost not fitting the empty expression she bore.

"If you are still thinking about yesterday afternoon, I told you that that was simply trying to sympathise." Homura spoke, almost sure that the question was directly aimed at that area of her memory.

Mami nodded slowly. "Kaname-san seemed bad... Do you know if she's okay?"

Homura shook her head, "Madoka is pushing herself..."

Mami looked down at her feet, almost as if she wasn't even really surprised by Homura's answer at that point. "So... We need to go, huh?" The hesitance in her voice was very obvious.

The time traveler nodded, "The sooner we get this over with, the better if a chance it will be easier." While she really didn't want to face Sayaka's witch, she knew that it was something that had to be done. In most timelines, Oktavia von Seckendorff already had her appearance. Her time being so close to Walpurgisnacht worried Homura.

The gunslinger girl nodded slowly, still trying to avoid it with whatever she could, "I guess we should start on our way..."


End file.
